One of the best parts of a relationship is you’re always learning something new about each other. Does your partner prefer comedy or action movies? Do they put syrup or peanut butter on their pancakes? Whether you just started dating and are still figuring each other out, or you’ve been together for years, there are all kinds of relationship questions you can ask each other to build intimacy, strengthen communication, and feel closer.
Asking your SO the right questions will help you make sure you’re on the same page in the relationship and grow your bond. “Relationships cannot be built on ‘assumptions,’” relationship expert Susan Winter tells Bustle. “Each partner needs to be communicative in what they need, and intentional about their dating goals.”
Floating about in your relationship with no clear communication or direction can even be detrimental to the partnership. “Assumptions, lack of clarity, and lack of dating goals will break down even the strongest relationship,” explains Winter. “To avert future fights, speak up now.” Start the conversation by asking each other relationship questions to easily gauge if your goals and vision of the future align. Not only does asking couples questions reveal whether this person is a good long-term match, but it helps create a sense of mutuality and closeness.
Be direct and honest with your partner in both the questions you ask and in the answers you give to forge a strong foundation. People are not mind readers, which is why the whole “assumptions” approach does not work. “When you’re dating somebody, what you’re really doing is teaching somebody how to love you; and so by communicating what you want, what you need, what you’re confused about, and what you desire, you’re teaching your partner how to love you better,” Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen, previously told Bustle.
If you’re looking for a long-term commitment with this person, there are questions you can ask to build intimacy and improve your communication. Here are 65 relationship questions to ask your partner if you want to really know them on a deeper level.
Lighthearted Relationship Questions
- What’s your ideal vacation?
- Mountains or ocean?
- When do you find that you're the happiest?
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- What’s your ideal date?
- How close are you with your friends?
- What do you enjoy doing on the weekends?
- What do you value most in life?
- What are your hobbies?
- What are your pet peeves?
- Who are your role models?
- What scares you the most?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
Intimate Relationship Questions
- How do you feel about monogamy?
- What's your comfort level with sexual exploration?
- Are there any fantasies you feel comfortable sharing with me?
- What do you want our sex life to look like?
- What’s your love language?
- Is how you receive love different from how you give it?
- What do you think about therapy?
- What’s your relationship like with your family?
- When do you most like to have sex?
- When do you least like to have sex?
- Do you have any sexual fantasies?
- How important is sex in a relationship to you?
- How do you feel most connected to your partner?
Long-Term Relationship Questions
- What do you envision as the most rewarding form of partnership?
- If you could design the perfect partnership model for you, how does it look?
- Do you want marriage?
- Do you want children?
- How many children would you want?
- Would you want to stay living close to family?
- What kind of parent would you want to be?
- What is your communication style?
- How can I best help you feel secure?
- How did your family deal with struggles growing up?
- How do you deal with difficult emotions?
- How do you feel about chores?
- What are your goals for the future?
Touchy Relationship Questions
- How do you view gender roles?
- Are there inherent expectations of your mate you may hold due to their gender?
- How do you see merging the household responsibilities?
- Are you a spender or a saver?
- How much personal debt are you currently carrying?
- What counts as cheating?
- What’s your arguing style?
- What do you consider “deal breakers” in a relationship?
- What’s something you cannot compromise on?
- What’s something you wish I wouldn’t do?
- What’s something you wish I would do?
- What’s something you want me to continue to do?
- What do you feel like we could work on?
Lifestyle Relationship Questions
- What's your ideal lifestyle?
- Do you live to work or do you work to live?
- How ambitious are you for career advancement?
- How does your career ambition affect your priorities?
- Are you looking for someone to complete a "power couple" role?
- How involved would you like your partner to be in your professional life?
- What are your thoughts around money, finances, and income requirements?
- Do you envision a dual income partnership with your mate?
- If there are children, do you plan to support your partner if they take time off?
- Do you plan to take paternity/maternity leave as well?
- What does a balanced relationship look like to you?
- What does your ideal schedule look like?
- Where is your ideal place to live?
Susan Winter, relationship expert and author
Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen