These 65 Questions Will Help You Learn More About Your SO

Whether you’re newly dating or celebrating 20 years together.

These questions for couples will help you get to know your partner
FilippoBacci/E+/Getty Images

Have you ever wondered what your boo’s first impression of you was? Have you questioned what your partner’s long-term relationship goals are? Have you checked in with them about how they feel the relationship is going?

Asking questions for couples is a great way to improve your communication with your SO. Communication is key to building and maintaining intimacy in any relationship, but especially a romantic one. “Direct communication is a great way to tell whether or not you’re in the right relationship,” says Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen. “When you’re dating somebody, what you’re really doing is teaching somebody how to love you; and so by communicating what you want, what you need, what you’re confused about, and what you desire, you’re teaching your partner how to love you better.”

By asking your partner direct questions — whether they’re a new fling or someone you’ve been seeing for a few months — you’re gauging their emotional intelligence and interest. “You’re gauging their willingness to connect, if they ask you a good question back. You’re gauging their level of self-awareness. You’re also gauging whether or not they’re doing personal work in their life (if they care about themselves enough to take care of themselves),” says Womble.

Direct communication is about being a good partner to yourself and to the other person, so checking in with your boo often can greatly strengthen your connection. Of course there are levels to this (level one being the first few dates, to level three describing a more long-term partnership), so Bustle has outlined 65 compatibility and intimacy questions for couples for whatever stage of the relationship you’re in.

Questions For New Couples

filadendron/E+/Getty Images
  1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
  2. What’s something you could talk about for hours?
  3. What was your first impression of me?
  4. Who are you in your friend group?
  5. How do you care for yourself after a hard week?
  6. How do you balance life and work?
  7. What’s an aspect of yourself that you would like to improve?
  8. How do you usually spend your weekends?
  9. What’s been your proudest moment so far?
  10. What’s the most thoughtful thing you’ve ever done for another person?
  11. Why did your last relationship end?
  12. What criteria do you look for in a partner?
  13. What does a fun date night look like for you?

Compatibility Questions For Couples

  1. What are your views on therapy?
  2. What are some of your turn ons?
  3. What are your biggest turn offs?
  4. What’s something about me that turns you on?
  5. What are you looking to get out of this relationship?
  6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how valuable is communication to you? How often do you like to communicate with a partner?
  7. How do you define cheating?
  8. To you, what does a successful relationship look like?
  9. Would you consider yourself to be a romantic?
  10. What do you believe to be the most important factors to making a relationship last?
  11. Would you be willing to try long-distance if something happened that would require me to move far away?
  12. What do you do if someone you care about has hurt you?
  13. What’s your relationship like with your family?

Sex & Intimacy Questions For Couples

  1. What kind of touch do you enjoy?
  2. What makes you feel emotionally connected to a partner while having sex?
  3. When do you most like to have sex?
  4. When do you least like to have sex?
  5. What do you imagine our sex life to look like in five years time?
  6. Do you see yourself as more dominant or submissive in bed?
  7. Is there a position or kink play you haven’t tried that you would want to explore?
  8. When do you feel the most secure and taken care of by a partner?
  9. What activity or action makes you feel closest to me?
  10. What would you say is your love language?
  11. How do you feel about our sex life right now?
  12. How do you actually feel whenever I hug you or kiss you?
  13. What’s something you didn’t do in your previous relationship(s) that you want to start doing in our relationship?

Long-Term Relationship Questions For Couples

RealPeopleGroup/E+/Getty Images
  1. What are your hopes and dreams for us as a couple, both separately and collectively?
  2. What’s something you want to experience together in the next year that we haven’t yet experienced together?
  3. What do you want to work on healing together as a couple?
  4. How do you see me integrating into your life long-term?
  5. Where do you see us settling long-term?
  6. Do you want kids in the future?
  7. Do you want to get married in the future?
  8. What’s something you will never give up or change for me?
  9. What will you do to keep the spark alive or spice up our relationship?
  10. What are some memories you want us to recreate together?
  11. What do you want our future home to look like and how do you want it to operate?
  12. What roles do you think we each play in our relationship? What roles do you want us to play?
  13. Could you picture yourself waking up next to me for the rest of your life?

Relationship Check-In Questions For Couples

  1. What do you want me to stop doing?
  2. What do you want me to start doing?
  3. What do you want me to continue doing?
  4. Are there any secrets you have hidden from me?
  5. What do you like most about our relationship?
  6. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
  7. What’s an unhealthy habit of mine that could become a recurring problem in our relationship?
  8. What’s something you want to know about me that you haven’t got the chance to ask yet?
  9. What’s something you feel our relationship is lacking?
  10. What can I learn from you?
  11. Is there anything you want to know about my past relationship(s)?
  12. What do you believe to be the key to a healthy relationship?
  13. Do I make you feel like a priority?