Dating
For when all you’re getting back is “cool.”
When you’re getting to know someone new — especially a potential partner — half the fun comes from those initial text conversations. Seeing their name pop up on your phone, whether you’re texting about your favorite restaurants or that annoying work meeting you just had, can be really exciting. But what happens when your prospective boo doesn’t seem to have much to say? What if they can’t seem to muster more than a “Cool” or “Not much”? That, friends, is what we call a “dry texter.”
Read more: 50 Example Sexting Ideas You Can Use Right Now
Dry texters aren’t necessarily always “dry” communicators, but their lack of enthusiasm or energy in a text conversation might be tough to work around. According to dating coach and professional matchmaker Anika Rashaun, someone may be a dry texter because they are better with in-person communication, “or they may be the type of person who doesn't want their words misinterpreted via text.”
Other dry texters may not want to put forth the effort into a conversation until they know it’ll be worth it, says dating and confidence coach Alexis Germany. Discerning that would be more possible through in-person interactions, where they might be more inclined to chat.
Regardless of how lively they are in person, trying to communicate with a dry texter who rarely gives more than a one or two-word response via text can be frustrating. If you feel like you’re playing 20 questions with a brick wall, here are 15 great text ideas to get even the toughest person to open up.
“Good morning! What’s something you’re looking forward to today?”
It sounds simple, but starting off your dry texter’s day with this question is a win-win: you might help them get into a positive headspace and look forward to their day, all the while kicking off the conversation and getting to know more about what makes them happy.
*Send an article/post related to a recent conversation you’ve had*
“We were just talking about this the other day! I thought this was an interesting take; if you get a chance to read it, let me know what you think!”
“Circling back” doesn’t have to be reserved for the office; you can always reference a previous conversation you had with them by sliding in a link you found — or intentionally Googled. This shows them that you paid attention to what they had to say. Plus, it’s an easy way to get them talking.
“Tell me something funny that happened to you today!”
We could all use some comic relief these days, and asking this kind of question can also give you a better feel for their sense of humor. As Rashaun tells Bustle, “Over time, people become more comfortable as they get to know one another.” Sussing out what makes someone laugh is a fantastic way to do just that.
“Would you rather get a free coffee from Starbucks every day or free season tickets for your favorite sports team?”
“Would you rather” questions aren’t just for the kids. Germany recommends this format as a fun way to connect and make each other laugh. You can get as deep or as silly as you want with this; tailoring the options to make it relevant to them might even create some inside jokes.
“I hope dinner with your mom was nice! What did she say about your new haircut?”
If you or your dry texter are super family-oriented, asking about dinner with their mom or drinks with their sibling is likely to elicit somewhat of a substantial response. Throwing in a specific question they can’t give a one-word answer is also a good idea.
“What was the last podcast episode you listened to about?”
We all have that one podcast we go hard for; there’s a slim chance that they won’t have anything to say about it. This question is also great because it’ll reveal more about their niche interests to you. Who knows, maybe you’ll get hooked on the show, too.
“Have you listened to Still Woozy’s new album? I need to know what your top 3 fave tracks were.”
All big music buffs know how important new album releases are. If you both share a favorite band or artist, this opens up a world of conversational possibilities. You just might find yourselves bonding over your obsession for a specific lyric or catchy chorus.
*Send a relatable Zodiac meme about your sign*
“On a scale of 1-10, how badly did this just call me out? LOL”
A little self-deprecation in the name of sparking up a hilarious conversation can work wonders. Especially if you’re both into astrology, this can lead to some cute honey-roasting about your cosmic quirks.
“I’m loving the work-from-home playlist you made! Where do you get the inspiration for your music taste from?”
Asking your dry texter about where their music taste comes from might also help you learn more about their history in general: maybe their dad was in an 80s rock band or they took an amazing music appreciation class in school — go find out!
“What were 3 exciting things that happened to you this week?”
Asking a question that requires more than one answer ensures more meat in the response you’ll get, and you’re bound to get asked the same question in return, which keeps the conversation flowing.
“I’m telling my friend about that arcade bar you mentioned to me. What would you say is the vibe there?”
Bringing up topics from past conversations is always an easy excuse for asking someone to engage with you. Bonus: beyond just asking them whether they liked the bar/restaurant/coffee spot, encouraging them to describe it in more detail gives you a glimpse of their taste and preferences when it comes to possible date night spots.
“I’m so jealous you got to see that new Avengers movie last night! Give me your honest review of it.”
Discussing your thoughts on a movie or show you recently watched leaves room for endless conversational possibilities. Everything from the plot to the acting can lead to other subjects. This is especially effective if you pick a franchise or series they’re a huge fan of.
“Can you go over your recipe for that pasta sauce you made last week? I’m having trouble remembering exactly how you balanced the flavors.”
Food is something we can all show enthusiasm for. They’ll more than likely be flattered that you liked their cooking enough to try and replicate it.
“What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory?”
An oldie but a goodie, no one can resist retelling a few accounts of their adolescent humiliations. They’ll definitely want to ask the same of you, so be prepared to share yours.
“Where do you want to travel to next, and why?”
For some, traveling is a personality trait. If your dry texter falls under that category, ask them all about their next trip. If you get them hyped enough about it, your text convo could turn into a planning session for a weekend-long date.
Experts:
Anika Rashaun, dating coach and professional matchmaker
Alexis Germany, dating and confidence coach
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