I Don't

Here Are 16 Delightfully Cringey Wedding Stories. You're Welcome.

“Guests were staring at each other slack-jawed."

Everyone loves a good wedding. The dresses. The dancing. The celebration of eternal love surrounded by family and friends. The cake! But no one wants to talk about the good weddings for very long. What they really want to talk about are the bad ones.

Look, I know planning a wedding is hard work. (I’ve done it!) We live in an the era of Pinterest-perfect pictures and #BrideTokers who set sky-high expectations for couples to have the best day of their lives. No one wants to spend all that time, money, and stress on one of the biggest events of their lives only for it to end up being memorable for all the wrong reasons. But… sh*t happens.

Whether a couple meant well but the execution was off or they blatantly disregarded their guests in favor of making their special day only special for themselves, sometimes weddings can get awkward, embarrassing, or even downright offensive.

No one wants to get caught trash-talking their friend’s cringey vows. And who’s going to tell their favorite cousin that their “Brooklyn grunge meets whimsical woodland nymph” dress code is aggravating and dumb?

But this is a safe space — a place where wedding-goers can (and did!) vent anonymously about the tackiest, rudest, and most egregious faux pas they’ve had the displeasure of witnessing. These are their stories.

Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

Registry Woes

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“A couple I know created a wedding registry Facebook group where they invited people who weren’t even invited to the ceremony to buy them gifts.”

“My cousin’s wedding registry asks guests to pay for different things for the wedding. Like, you can contribute $X amount toward the flowers, reception venue, DJ, and more. You can also pay for their marriage license. It is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. No one has contributed.”

Ceremony Shenanigans

“My best friend married a guy who, in his vows, called her his most prized possession.”

“After the kiss, the best man turned and said, ‘I guess we know [the groom] isn’t gay now.’”

“The couple could not stop talking about how hard their relationship was in their vows, to the point where I was questioning why they wanted to get married at all. Maybe focus on at least some of the good stuff when you’re getting married?”

Poor Planning

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“A couple who had a wedding during COVID made the guests pay for the on-site tests. They were $100 per person.”

“The groom and groomsmen took the bride to a strip club between the ceremony and the reception, got her completely wasted, and had 200 guests wait three hours for them to arrive. Family members were leaving.”

“I went to a backyard wedding that was BYOC — bring your own chair.”

Speeches That Def Should’ve Been Vetted

“The bride had a man of honor, and they used to date prior to her dating the groom. He gave the cringiest speech about how she was the one who got away. He talked about how much he loved her and said that if anything happened to her, he would come after the groom — in a joking but obviously-not-joking way.”

“The bride’s dad straight-up roasted her during his toast, but it was not funny. He said that in college, she was a crazy partier and threw up in every city in Europe. He said that one time she thought she was really sick, possibly dying, went to the ER… and it’s the most expensive bill he’s ever gotten for a UTI. No one was laughing.”

“The bride’s parents could not stop talking about how much money they spent on the wedding.”

“Guests were staring at each other slack-jawed as the dad went on about how the bride isn’t the daughter he ever imagined getting married. In her maid of honor speech, the bride’s sister was making fun of her, calling out how she was a party girl and ‘got around.’ The bride was drunk (she had already puked and rallied), so she just looked mortified and then drank more.”

Dance-Floor Antics

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“Why are brides still forcing single girls to go out to the middle of the floor for a bouquet toss? A bride made me go out with just one other girl around my age and the 19-year-old cousin. The whole wedding was watching; it was mortifying. Why aren’t we making the single guys show themselves, too?”

“The DJ played ‘Gold Digger’ during the reception. My friends and I were definitely snickering.”

Family Drama On Full Display

“The bride was throwing up from drinking, and the groom’s mom would not let go of the groom to let him go help her out. Like, she legitimately was holding his face, whispering in his ear, and sobbing for a good 10 minutes, and bridesmaids had to go over and distract her. We have zero idea why.”

“As they prepared to cut the cake, the bride noticed her personalized knife was missing. She burst into tears, her voice quivering as she exclaimed ‘How could you?’ to her mom before a crowd of 250 guests. Her father had to drive 45 minutes to get the knife. The marriage lasted less than three years.”