Sex

Uh, Why Does My Partner's Penis Keep Slipping Out?

Managing this common sex mishap is easier than you think.

what to know if he's slipping during sex.
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By Suzannah Weiss and Bustle Editors
Updated: 
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From surprising bodily noises to muscle cramps and awkward angles, there are a lot of less-than-romantic yet inevitable parts of sex you’re likely to encounter, and a penis slipping out during vaginal intercourse is one of them. Thankfully, it’s incredibly common, and there are lots of strategies out there to address it.

"Penises get erect in a variety of angles and, depending on the position you're both in, they can more easily sort of 'spring' out of the vagina with each outward thrust — especially because, ideally, there's a lot of slippery lubrication going on," sex educator Anne Hodder tells Bustle. "During orgasm, the vagina muscles contract and tighten, which can absolutely 'push' out something inside — penis, dildo, hand — if there isn't anything keeping it in place. So it's totally possible that a vagina can accidentally push out a penis, especially one that's post-orgasm and losing its erection, but it's really nothing to worry about. Kind of just part of the deal."

So, bottom line: don't be concerned if your partner's penis is falling out during sex. Inconvenient as it may feel in the moment, it's not an unusual part of the process and in fact my present new opportunities for intimacy that hadn’t even occurred to you. Below, a few tips to both help you prevent it from happening and keep going after it’s happened.

1

Use Shallower Thrusts

As Hodder says, "If the penis-owner isn't completely aware of how far out they're pulling, it can be easy to accidentally pull out completely.” To correct for this, your partner can use shallow thrusts instead of going all the way out.

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin cautions that for some people, a shallower thrust may keep the penis too close to the entrance of the vagina and make slipping out even more likely. “If [the thrust] is pretty shallow, you don't have to move that much to slip out,” she explains. When the penis is in deeper, she adds, the owner has a little more understanding of how far they can pull out before they slip out. So it’s important to remember that not every tip may work for every body out there.

2

Change Sex Positions

Fixing your slippage issue may be as simple as moving into a different position. This might be an issue particularly if they’re on top. "When the partner is on top, the onus is on them to be aware of how far up or out they're gyrating in order to avoid the penis from slipping out completely," Hodder says. To give your partner a break, you could try getting on top so that the onus is on you.

You may run into the same problem and find that you keep slipping off, but your chances may be better, Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly tells Bustle. "You can control the movement and reduce the amount of thrusting they do, which often leads to slippage," she says.

3

Prop Yourself Up

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If you’re in a position that has you on the bottom during sex, putting pillows under your knees, stomach, or hips can help close the distance between you and your partner, says Dr. Jess. "Sometimes it’s the angle that makes it difficult to stay inside, and so a small adjustment can help," she says.

Marin agrees about the importance of angles. “Usually the main reason for slippage is just that you're not at the right angle,” she explains. “You might feel like you're going straight in but you're actually kind of tilted a bit more to an angle, and it's really easy for it to slip out, because you're not in as far as you think you are. So my overall advice for slippage is to really play around with the different angles, and pillows can be a great thing to use,” she adds. Marin especially recommends sex-specific wedges designed exactly for this purpose, like the Liberator.

4

Take Turns Being In Control

When two people are moving around at once, keeping everything together can be a challenge. "Sometimes, you slip because you’re both moving at the same time," says Dr. Jess. "If you allow one person to manage most of the movement — they can move back and forth while holding onto and guiding your hips — you might find that you’re less likely to slip."

If you’re worried about awkwardly interrupting the flow, this can be accomplished very simply. As Vanessa Marin previously explained to Bustle, “If you’re on top, you can say something like, ‘you stay still and let me do all the work.’ Or you can put your hands on his hips to either slow him down or give yourself more of a sense of his rhythm.”

5

Try Some External Penis Play

If your partner's penis falls out, there are lots of highly pleasurable reasons to leave it out. Chances are you're very well lubricated, which means you might enjoy moving the penis back and forth on the outside of your labia and clitoris, says Dr. Jess. "You’ll likely get just as much, if not more, pleasure than you do when he slides inside."

Marin agrees, adding another move that she describes as a little like dry-humping. Try flipping the penis upward, and then pressing it against the partner’s pubic area with some light grinding action. If you’re doing this as described, the penis will be sandwiched between the two bodies, allowing for some hands-free play. The extra clitoral stimulation can be crucial, Marin explains, adding, “I think a lot of couples, especially heterosexual couples, once they start having intercourse, they're kind of like, ‘Yeah, now we just do intercourse until we're done!’ But I think it can be so much more fun to mix it up and like take little breaks and do manual stimulation, play with a toy, or something like that.”

6

Slow Things Down

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There are a lot of potential benefits to slow sex, and just one of its many advantages is that it helps you control your motions. "Whether you’re on top, lying back or on your knees, try slowing the movement and adjust the rhythm so that you can follow one another without slipping out," says Dr. Jess.

Vanessa Marin agrees, and cites overzealous speed as one of the main reasons penises slip out during sex. “Because they're going so fast they're not able to properly gauge how far in or out they are,” she explains. Plus, there’s one more practical reason penis owners may want to slow down. “A lot of people don't like the super fast in and out jackhammering, so this is a win-win,” Marin adds.

7

Acknowledge It — Or Not

If a penis keeps slipping out during sex and you’re both just awkwardly staring at your crotches and losing your libido by the moment, it might be worth acknowledging what’s going on to ease the tension. It could be especially prudent if your partner seems embarrassed.

If they’re overly apologetic, Marin suggests saying something like, “No, I think it's hot. Sometimes we just lose control of ourselves,” or “Sometimes things get a little wild!”. A more generic, “No big deal, doesn’t bother me,” works too. But if it just happens once or twice and your partner re-inserts their penis totally unfazed, there’s no need to call it out.

8

Assess The Erection Situation

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Another common reason for a penis slipping during sex? “They either weren't fully erect before starting, or they lost a little bit of the erection midway through, and so it's much easier for it to slip out if it's smaller,” Marin says.

If this is the case in your situation, take a break and switch to something else for awhile. Try a hand job or a blow job, or any other act you know your partner is particularly aroused by, without making it seem like a big deal that you’re stopping intercourse temporarily. “A bit of focused attention on your partner will probably help things get right back to it,” Marin adds.

9

Adjust Your Lube Accordingly

Another super common reason you might be experiencing penis slipping is if you’re using too much lube, Marin explains, and luckily there’s a very easy fix. “You can have your partner pull out and use a Kleenex or a towel and just wipe some of the lube off and go back at it. It should be totally fine,” she says.

But if you’re someone who needs or wants some lube involved, you may need to engage in some trial and error removal to avoid wiping all of it away. Marin suggests removing little by little at first, or applying it directly onto the vulva to see if that makes a difference. Basically, play around with what feels right, or lubricated enough, to you.

10

Just Put It Back In

While there are lots of ways to reduce slippage, you can also just roll with it, put the penis right back in, and keep on going. Don't hold yourself or your partner to the expectation that sex is never going to have any minor interruptions.

And your partner shouldn't take this personally, because penis size isn’t a major factor at play, says Dr. Jess. "Slippage during P-V sex is perfectly normal."

Sources:

Anne Hodder, certified sex educator

Vanessa Marin, sex therapist

Dr. Jess O’Reilly, sexologist