The secret to better sex can be as simple as a little tweak. It doesn't always have to have the full histrionics of a stage-five theatrical show. Sometimes, hotter sex is attainable just with a quick jaunt to the local lingerie store or the sex shop for a new treat. Dr. Jane Greer, New-York-based marriage and sex therapist, is all about figurative little twists to the left or squirms to the right for a superior night in bed. Try slow dancing, she suggests. Or turn up the tunes to turn yourself (and your partner) on.
Greer, who hosts the celebrity sex and relationship commentary show Shrink Wrap with Dr. Jane Greer — which is all about what we can learn from the "trials and triumphs of celebrity relationships" — shared eight very straightforward suggestions with me in regard to amping up the heat with your partner. The genius of these ideas lies in their simplicity. You won't find any complicated sex positions or insane sex mantras here, but instead eight practical, uncomplicated things which you can do right now to cinch a magnificent night with your partner.
Here are no-nonsense suggestions from the author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship that you can give a spin ASAP — aka tonight.
1. Spritz A Dash Of Perfume
There’s this one perfume that will immediately turn me on, no matter where I am or what I’m doing. Needless to say, I don’t wear it outside of very specific circumstances. “Wear a perfume you love to smell ... and set a romantic mood,” says Greer. Setting a mood is an underrated part of sex, but I highly recommend it. Light a candle, open the window for a breeze, change the sheets — set the scene. (Of course, spontaneous sex is also fabulous, but it is nice to create a certain ambiance now and again.)
Whether it's solo or with a partner, masturbation is never time wasted. (Well, except when it is.) "Explore your body through masturbation, so that you can guide your partner to your hot spots,” Greer says. By learning your own hot spots, you automatically improve sex with a partner, as long as you have solid communication.
3. Bump The Jams
Hip-hop, classical, R&B, heavy metal — the options are endless. Prep a playlist of “sexy music that turns you both on, and play it in the background,” says Greer. Sweet Billie Holiday, sassy Rihanna, dreamy Debussy, sultry Phoebe Snow, or the ever-classic Drake — whomever you choose, be sure to turn it up. (Especially if you have roommates.)
4. Slow Dance Like It’s Prom
This is my favorite of Greer’s suggestions. “Slow dance together, and enjoy the intimacy and closeness between yourself and your partner — before heading to the bedroom.” There’s no reason that slow dancing should be relegated to weddings and school dances. There’s no time like the present to pop on a slow jam and sway side to side with the one you love. This is a lovely precursor to Act II.
5. Tell Your Partner Exactly What You Want
If you’ve never tried to articulate what you want in an explicit way to your partner, then now’s the time. “Talk dirty to each other,” says Greer. “This can be very erotic and exciting.” If it’s not your forte, then start slow and suggestive. If you’re a dirty-talk pro, express a previously unvoiced desire in the raciest words you can dream up.
6. Play Dress-Up
Nurse? Sexy French maid? Something more creative — gardener? Plumber? Dominatrix? Whatever you want. “Dressing up or role-playing can make sex better, because putting on an outfit like that enables you to give in to the fantasy and loosen your inhibitions,” Greer says. So throw on your hottest girl-next-door costume and head to your partner’s place for a night of merrymaking.
“There’s nothing sexier than a good book,” says Greer. Truth. “Read a sexy novel, either to yourself ahead of time or out loud to your partner." I’m all about reading aloud with your boo. Erotica can be fun, but even just taking turns reading a novel or short story together is super sweet and pleasing. And this kind of connection can often lead to other types of connection, if you know what I mean.
8. Play With Toys
Try bringing a vibrator in the bedroom. “Not only will you get turned on, but you'll also have an easier time orgasming, which helps you relax and enjoy yourself.” Even if this is old news and you have a whole drawer full of sex toys, you can always pay a visit to your local sex shop for a quick and sexy pick-me-up — by yourself or with your partner.
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