I was 16 when I gave my first blow job. Like many teenagers, I didn’t consider oral sex real sex, and instead saw it as a stepping stone toward having actual intercourse for the very first time. Honestly, I didn’t have much of an interest in doing it. In fact, I thought it was kind of gross. Like, why would you stick a penis in your mouth? But he was my first boyfriend, I thought I was in love (maybe I was?), and everyone else was doing it. By that rationale, it felt like something I was “supposed to" do. Obviously, almost 20 years later, I understand that “supposed to” and sex should never go hand in hand — unless there’s some role-playing going on, of course.
Before I gave that blow job that day, my knowledge of how to do so was pretty much nonexistent. I had never seen porn, and it wasn’t something that my friends and I talked about in detail. What I did know, however, was that it involved his penis being in my mouth. Everything else was a matter of winging it. And wing it I did.
But before that day came, I really wish I had read up on giving a blow job, because looking back… WOW. Such a disaster. Here are the seven things I wish I’d known before I lost my blow job virginity.
1. You Don’t Actually Blow
The term “blow job” is so confusing! Like, why call it a damn blow job when there’s no blowing? Why not call it a “suck job” or a “lick job?” But there I was, blowing on the end of my boyfriend’s penis as if I were playing flute in the marching band. I imagine that had it not been his first blow job, he would have corrected my technique, but he didn’t. I didn’t realize until college that blow jobs don’t involving blowing, and that for some guys, the blowing sensation doesn't feel great.
2. My Gag Reflex Can’t Tolerate Much
My first blow job was also my first introduction to just how weak my gag reflex is. Whoa nelly! He didn’t get his penis very far into my mouth before I started gagging and sputtering, as if I were the star of my own hardcore porn. But, trying to be cool about it, I pulled myself together… then immediately had flashes of choking to death on his penis, it being in the local newspaper, and how devastated my parents would be to find me dead by penis in the mouth. "Death by penis" is not what you want written on your tombstone.
3. It’s More Than OK To Use Your Hands
As I know very well now and really, REALLY wish I knew then, using your hands during the act isn’t just key to giving an awesome blow job, but also makes it so much easier. If only I knew I could be using my hands not just to guide his penis in and out of my mouth, but also to prevent my life from flashing before my eyes while fearing I would choke, I could have spared myself those minutes of horror.
4. Lube Really Helps
I was so late to the party when it came to using lube. I didn't even use lube the first time I had anal sex, because, well, it wasn’t even on my radar. Although lube isn’t necessary for giving a blow job, it really helps keep things nice and slick. Also, lube is perfect in cases in which your partner perhaps hasn’t showered after the gym or something — flavored lube can help.
5. I Wish We Had Discussed It Beforehand
I know this has to do with him not knowing how to initiate oral sex. However, that being said, I do wish he had asked for consent before it happened. As we were fooling around, he made his way up until his groin was in line with my mouth, and just kind of put it in there, while I sort of opened my mouth. I also wish I had said something, too. Remember, I was still thinking blow jobs were gross at that age... my, how things have changed.
6. There’s No "Wrong" Way To Give A Blow Job
As I lay there with his penis in my mouth, I immediately started thinking about how I was doing it SO WRONG. And considering I was blowing quite a bit, I guess for some guys, that would be wrong. But the point is that different men prefer different techniques and blow job styles. Because of that, there is no “wrong” way to give head. As long as you listen to your partner and be open to direction, you can’t fail.
7. You Don’t Have To Do It
Before I lost my blow job virginity that fateful day, I wish I knew I didn’t have to do it — as in, blow jobs don’t have to be on the menu. But I was young, all my friends were doing it, and, as I said, it felt like I was “supposed to” do it. I feel like a lot of my early sexual adventures are riddled with me thinking I had to do something, because it was what people do — right? Wrong. These days, if I’m not into something, I say so. I’m never afraid to tell my sex partners if something isn’t my scene.
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (7)
