At some point in your life, you may have faked an orgasm. It’s OK; you can admit to it. I mean, many of us have done it at least once (or multiple times). While throwing in some “oohs” and “ahhs” have been proven to speed up the climax process, that doesn't mean it's good for your sex life or your relationship.
"The idea of women faking orgasms is actually a very disempowering, bothersome concept," relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW told Bustle. "The point of two people having sex together is so they can be close, feel intimate, and enjoy sexual pleasure together."
Yet according to a 2011 study, 80 percent of women have faked an orgasm, with more than 25 percent admitting that they did so by throwing all those moans into the mix.
"There are many reasons a man may fake an orgasm," Dr. Jennifer Caudle, Family Physician, Assistant Professor at Rowan University School of Osteopathic Medicine tells Bustle. "Some reasons that come to mind are stress, fear of upsetting their partner if orgasm can't be achieved, feelings of inadequacy or embarrassment, concerns about masculinity, lack of physical attraction to their partner among others."
But with National Orgasm Day on July 31, Match wanted to really get to the bottom of all this faking it. Here are the reasons why single men and women fake orgasms, according to Match's Singles in America survey.
1. Because The Sex Isn’t Good
For both men and women, at 46 percent and 43 percent, respectively, the biggest reason for faking it is because the “sex was no longer pleasurable.” It's understandable that you'd want to put an end to bad sex, but doesn't faking it give your partner the wrong impression of what's desirable to you in bed?
2. To Show Their Partner They Love Them
Interestingly enough, for 41 percent of men, the reason they fake it is to show their partner that they love them — aww! Women, too, at 39 percent, also resort to faking an orgasm for the same reason. But while this is very kind and heartfelt, if you love someone, shouldn’t you be honest with them? There’s no shame in not having an orgasm; but there is a bit of shame in lying in to your partner, especially about something that should be openly communicated like sex.
3. To Boost Their Partner’s Confidence
For 40 percent of women, the main reason they fake it is to boost their partner’s confidence in the bedroom, which I get. I have found in my own sex life that when I put on a little display of moans à la When Harry Met Sally, my partners tend to step up their game. But what makes it even better is when you actually get an orgasm, while giving your partner a jolt of confidence.
4. Because They Drank Too Much
True story: I dated a guy in college who only wanted drunk sex, because when he was sober he’d finish too fast. Once you get into the “a lot” of beer territory, then trying to orgasm, at least for some men, isn’t easy. Because of this, Match’s survey found that 34 percent of guys fake it because they’re alcohol impaired and can’t perform. Always remember: Moderation is key — and so is communication in the bedroom.
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (4)