'Vanderpump Rules' Season 3 Predictions Made By A Fan Who Let Her Imagination Wild

Vanderpump Rules Season 3 filming is donezo (I mean, I assume that's why the cast attended a finale party. I know, I know. I'm quite a remarkable detective), so now begins the wait.... Aaaand the speculating. So, what's going to happen on Season 3? What'll make the cut? Will Scheana Marie's wedding day be on the show? Probably. What about Stassi Schroeder's return to L.A.? Sounds like it. Jax Taylor's relationship... stuff? Perhaps. But what else?

Do you know what time it is? Prediction tiiiiiiiiiime! The following predictions were genera—

Ack, I have to stop myself right there. To call them "predictions" might be misleading, because they're actually just my hopes. Sorry. Here are 13 of my hopes for Season 3:

  1. Shooting began after the cast went to Coachella, BUT! A VR fan knows that what happens at Coachella doesn’t stay at Coachella with this cast. Something (or somethings!) could've gone down during the three-day music festival this year that the Vanderpumpers bring up incessantly throughout the season.
  2. Piggybacking off of the Coachella prediction: The cast could've recorded Coachella shenanigans on their cell phones. The show could use cell phone footage.
  3. Something dramatic will happen right before Scheana’s wedding (her heel snaps off, she can't find Mike Shay's wedding band, a bridesmaid's hair gets caught in a zipper, a family of bears get into the wedding venue, et cetera), but the day will be saved at the last minute.
  4. Manager Peter Madrigal models all of Jax's sweaters and shoes for the Bravo cameras.
  5. Kristen Doute, Ariana Madix, and Tom Sandoval fight for a few episodes. But then, all three of them go paint pottery together at Color Me Mine (per Lisa Vanderpump's request) and make up.
  6. Stassi visits SUR but she doesn't want to run into Kristen or Scheana. So, she wears a comically obvious disguise and talks like Katharine Hepburn.
  7. Jax considers getting a "Carmen" tattoo but doesn't go through with it.
  8. Jax considers getting a "Tiffany" tattoo but doesn't go through with it.
  9. The SUR staff does another nude photo shoot, but this time, they pose with parrots.
  10. Manager Peter and Tom Sandoval learn all of the "What I Like" choreo and perform it for everyone at Guillermo Zapata's birthday party. While wearing burlesque costumes.
  11. Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz get into playing practical jokes on people.
  12. Scheana sings "What I Like" AND "Good As Gold" on a loop at Pride.
  13. Giggy wears an outfit crafted entirely out of Swarovski crystals.

If any of the above really does happen, I will puff out my chest and strut around my living room. And then, I'll celebrate my victory the only way I know how: I'll go pick up an ice cream cake. And I will feast like a king.