The 'Real Housewives of New York' Atlantic City Feud & 8 Other Things Ramona Singer's Dance Moves Could Solve
Every so often, I like to pose important questions about life and the Real Housewives of New York City here on Bustle. This week's question is this: Is there really anything better than watching Ramona Singer dance? The answer: Probably, but for the purposes of this conversation, let's pretend that the answer is "no." In fact, Ramona's dancing is so spectacular that it could solve not only any Real Housewives of New York problems (including the upcoming Atlantic City fight), but the world's problems as well. Who knew #TurtleTime could be so important?
But why are we even talking about this? I mean, we all know that Ramona's dancing is the physical embodiment of perfection, so why beat a dead horse by bringing it up now? Well, it all has to do with the upcoming blowout that's definitely going to happen when all the RHONY women go to Atlantic City to celebrate Ramona's birthday (a.k.a. because there wasn't enough drama at Bethenny Frankel's birthday dinner). I have no doubt that a massive fight will ensure, and based on the preview for Tuesday's new Real Housewives of New York episode, I also have no doubt that there will be a ridiculous amount of Ramona dancing (and also maybe Sonja Morgan inappropriateness if we're unlucky).
Ramona's Turtle Time dance really could be the only thing to save the trip this time around, and if it can do that, then it can do anything. For those of you who need a refresher, here's what the Turtle Time dance actually looks like:
Pinot grigio in hand, knees locked, and a gentle swivel. That's all you need to save the world. Here are eight problems that Ramona's dancing could fix.
1. Bethenny's Relationship With Kelly Bensimon
Remember Season 3's trip to Scary Island? Well, it was the best thing that has ever happened to television, and it left a permanent and irreparable rift in Bethenny and Kelly's relationship. And also Kelly's sanity, but that's not important right now. The two of them might benefit from a little bit of Turtle Time.
2. Craig Conover's Inability To Pronounce The Word "Lapel"
Look, I'm not saying that turtle time can make Southern Charm-er Craig any smarter, but maybe dancing all of his troubles away might unlock some hidden vocabulary in that pretty little brain of his.
3. Aviva Drescher's Many "Health Issues"
First there was her "fear of heights," then there was her "asthma," then there was #Bookgate, and then she threw her prosthetic leg across the room in frustration in the middle of a nice restaurant because none of the women believed that she was actually ill. I still don't believe that she was actually ill, unless being uptight and kind of a pretentious snob is an illness. She could definitely use a little bit of Turtle Time.
4. Emma Stone And Andrew Garfield's Relationship
DANCE YOUR WAY BACK TOGETHER, EMMA AND ANDREW! Seriously, their breakup was devastating.
5. The Fact That Dorinda Medley's Boyfriend Is The Worst
I'll admit that even Ramona's dancing might not be able to solve this travesty of a relationship (honestly, this John guy is the worst), but damn it if we don't even try.
6. Teresa Giudice's Confusing Hairline
I'm sure that the fact that she had to surrender her hair extensions when she got to prison is helping things, but her hairline really agitates me. Like, it causes me a lot of emotional turmoil. Ramona, dance this one out, please.
7. Heather Thomson's Inability To Handle Bethenny's Honesty
I mean, seriously Heather, it's not that big of a deal that you weren't technically invited to Bethenny's birthday. I mean, what are we, twelve? If they weren't really friends, then why would she even expect to be invited? Also, all I could think of during that episode was Jill Zarin's quote from one of the OG RHONY seasons, "Guests of guests do not bring guests." Ugh, how I yearn for the old days.
8. World Peace
If it's good enough for Gracie Lou Freebush, then it's good enough for me.