I'll be the first to admit that I said a lot of things back in the '90s I wish I could erase from memory. I mean, who convinced me I was cool enough to get away with dropping "da bomb" in casual conversation? But aside from embarrassing choices, there's also the matter of things you said in the '90s that are obsolete now. As in, if we said them now, the youth of today would look like us as though we were actually from the prehistoric period.
Don't get me wrong — I'm all for bringing back '90s slang. I say things like "what's the dilly" and "bounce" routinely and in a totally non-ironic way, if you can believe it. And while some '90s slang may no longer make sense (did it ever, really?), for the sake of this article, we're talking more about things you said IRL on a semi-regular basis that wouldn't make sense if you tossed them out into the world today. Even though our favorite decade is experiencing quite a revival, we can't bring back every single thing that was popular during that time period... no matter how much we'd like to.
Is your curiosity piqued at this point? Good. Let's take a look at some of the things you said during the '90s that have since been rendered obsolete.
1"If it freezes up, just blow on/in it."
Ah, yes: The standard '90s approach to making any glitching electronic device work again. These days, we know better (and still do it anyway).
2"Don't forget to rewind."
Remember the days we used to roam up and down the aisles at Blockbuster picking out VHS tapes to rent? And what a pain in the arse it was if you rented one some derelict didn't rewind?
3"Justin and Britney are so cute together."
Don't pretend like you weren't affected when this matching-denim-wearing duo went kaput. A moment of silence, please.
4"Can you pass the P.B. Crisps?"
Considering there's an entire campaign devoted to bringing the classic '90s snack back, here's hoping this phrase won't be obsolete much longer.
5"Just ask Jeeves."
Here today, gone tomorrow — people of the interwebz are so fickle. In the '90s, we used "Ask Jeeves" for, well, everything. These days the sun rises and sets on Google as the search engine of choice.
6"I would TOTALLY conquer the Aggro Crag."
If your childhood dreams did not entail becoming a contestant on the hit Nickelodeon show GUTS and beasting the gnarly Aggro Crag, you weren't doin' the '90s justice, friend.
7"Get off the phone! I need the internet."
Back during dial-up internet's heyday, you couldn't use the phone when the internet was connected without kicking someone off the web. Although karma at least forced you to endure the hideous hook-up sound at a deafening decibel level if you picked up the line mid-connection.
8"My LimeWire queue stalled again."
Once upon a time, '90s kids downloaded music to our heart's content without worrying the music pirating police were going to break down our door.
9"Turn it to 'TRL.'"
Back then, you just had to be home in time for TRL, especially with dreamboat Carson Daly at the mic. These days, we get our music videos from YouTube.
10"Do you have the map?"
Not Google Maps. Not a map app. In the '90s, we relied on the real deal. Man, kids these days have it so easy, eh?
11"I need to get these photos developed."
You might go get prints made these days but, since every one and their mama has a digital camera or smart phone, seeing what shot you captured is a matter of instant gratification.
12"You gotta zig-a-zig-ah."
It's a Spice Girls thing. Need I say more?