13 Divorcees On Reddit Reveal The Red Flag They Ignored Before Getting Married
If getting married is one of your life goals, you've probably spent a lot of time envisioning your hypothetical romantic future — and that vision most likely doesn't include a marriage that ends in divorce. Unfortunately, even the most in love of couples aren't always compatible in the long-term, which is why it's so important not to overlook any red flags in your relationship, especially when marriage talk is on the table.
In a recent AskReddit thread, one user asked the folks of Reddit who've been through a divorce to share the red flags they ignored before getting married, and their responses make it clear that turning a blind eye to your partner's flaws — while it might seem easier in the moment — can have seriously negative consequences for a marriage long-term. Of course, no one is perfect, and part of being in a healthy relationship is being able to accept your partner exactly as they are. However, fully accepting and loving someone is not the same as excusing bad behavior, or overlooking traits that could be serious red flags.
1. There Are Incidences Of Previous Infidelity
Cheaters can change their spots, but if you're planning to get married to someone, don't brush aside hints (or outright declarations) of previous infidelity without talking to them about it. Even if you believe they've reformed, it's still something that at least warrants a serious conversation.
2. Your Partner Excuses Their Meanness As "Brutal Honesty"
We all have our mean moments, but it's important to be able to take accountability and apologize when a line is crossed. If your partner is frequently mean to you (or others), but uses the 'Oh, I'm just brutally honest' excuse instead of showing remorse, that doesn't bode well.
3. You're Not On The Same Page About Money
4. You Feel Like You're Settling
When you're picking your life partner, you should *never* feel like you're settling, and it's a serious red flag if you're only getting married to avoid a breakup.
5. You Have A Gut Feeling It's Not Right
Sometimes, all you need to know a marriage isn't right is a feeling in your gut — so don't be afraid to listen to your intuition, even if it's telling you something you might not want to hear.
6. There's No Sexual Chemistry
Sex drive is something that ebbs and flows, so it's totally normal for long-term couples to experience dry spells in their sex life. But if you feel a complete lack of sexual chemistry with your partner — and no desire to work through it — you might not really be right for each other.
7. You Enjoy Time Alone More Than Time With Your Partner
Getting married doesn't mean that you have to spend 24/7 with your partner — in fact, it's healthy to have some alone time in a relationship — but if you notice that you'd almost always rather be alone than with your partner, that's a sign that you shouldn't get married to them.
8. You Don't Know Your Partner Super Well
Even if you've been with someone for years, there are always new, little things to learn about them — but before getting married, you should still feel, for the most part, that you know your partner inside and out (especially when it comes to something as basic as their middle name).
9. Your Friends Aren't Supportive Of The Relationship
If you know your friends have your best interests at heart, it's a red flag if all or most of your closest pals have concerns about your relationship — because chances are they know you well enough to know it's not right.
10. You Don't Agree On Important Life Decisions
There are many, many things you can compromise on in a relationship, but there are also some very important things — like deciding where to live or whether or not to have kids — that can't really be compromised on, and those things shouldn't be overlooked.
11. Your Partner Lies About Small Things
Trust is essential to a relationship, and even if it's seemingly only about the little things, having a partner who's comfortable lying to you is a serious red flag, because all those little lies will erode your trust over time.
12. Your Partner Doesn't Stand Up For You
When you're married, your spouse should be like your teammate, and you should feel like they're on your side — which means they're willing to stand up for you when you need them to.
13. Your Partner Isn't A Kind Person
Kindness is often an overlooked trait when it comes to finding a partner, but it's incredibly important to be with someone who treats you well. We may be attracted to people who aren't always nice, but that definitely doesn't mean they'll be good partners.
Ultimately, there's no way to guarantee that a marriage will last forever. One thing is for sure, though: if you ignore red flags early on in your relationship, you're only setting yourself up for marital hardship down the line — so don't be afraid to speak up when you see things that give you pause.