7 Signs You Deserve More Than What Your Partner Is Giving You, According To Experts
Whether it's brand new or long-term, all relationships should involve a give and take. And, in that give and take, ultimately, each partner should be giving equal amounts. This isn't to suggest that the relationship should be equal at all times, in every single thing you do — but, at the end of the day, week, month, or year, it's important to be able to look back on everything and see that through it all, it came out equal. Healthy relationships need equality to succeed.
But sometimes, things can become — or have always been — unequal. Once you realize your relationship isn't equal, it's also important to realize that probably means you're not getting your needs met or what you deserve from your partner. While your partner might be sitting pretty, enjoying the benefits of being in a relationship with you, you just might be going without.
While the reasons for this could be anywhere from having different love languages (how you each show and express love) to a lack of communication, it's still unfair and definitely worth addressing or reconsidering the relationship. So here are seven signs you deserve more than what you're partner is giving you, according to experts.
1. You're The Only One Compromising
Whether or not we like it, compromise is totally part of the game when it comes to relationships. But there are also different types of compromise. There are small compromises, like giving in and letting your partner choose the movie you'll watch, and bigger ones, like modifying our behavior.
"When they tell you that a behavior of yours bothers them, you’re open to making modifications," Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT, and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love, tells Bustle. "When you tell them what behaviors you’d like addressed, they say they’ll change them but it doesn’t last very long."
2. You're The Only One Making An Effort
It's human nature to have wants and needs, and when you're with someone, trying to meet those needs and wants is just something that should come with the territory. But, according to Chlipala, if you're making the effort to meet their needs, but they aren't, then it's definitely a sign you deserve more.
"People aren’t always explicit about their needs, but you pay attention to what’s important to them," says Chlipala.
3. You Get "Love Bombed"
Not sure what it means to be love bombed? It basically means the super romantic gestures are dropped on you like an explosion, and then they disappear suddenly.
"Not to say that healthy relationships also don’t have their challenges, but there’s an overall sense of security and positivity in a balanced relationship," says Chlipala. "It's not this rollercoaster of amazing times together followed by distance and coldness."
4. You Feel Like You Have To Pursue Affection
There's nothing worse than feeling like you're always the one initiating and pursuing affection and attention. However, if you are, that's a sign your needs aren't being met. It's worth communicating this with your partner so you can get on the same page.
"It’s understandable that you may have different love languages," says Chlipala, "but it’s another if you feel like you’re doing most of the initiating."
5. You Don't Know Where You Stand
"Your partner might not be at the same point as you (people go at different paces), but you should know how your partner feels about you and if there’s a future together," says Chlipala. "Sometimes you might even wonder if your partner likes you. You also shouldn’t have to wait over a year to hear 'I love you'."
If you can't even figure out what your partner wants, then it's probably because they can't figure it out either. You deserve more than to sit around and wait and see.
6. Your Partner Avoids Conflict
"Communication is important to not only share your dreams, needs, and expectations, but also to address stress, hurt feelings, and work through misunderstandings (and there will be misunderstandings)," says Chlipala. "If your partner continually shuts down conversation around conflict or blows up and pulls away, it makes it very difficult to work on or improve the relationship."
You can't resolve a problem if you avoid conflict. And you can't evolve as a couple if there are unresolved problems. It's as simple as that.
7. You're The Only One Apologizing
No one ever said apologizing and admitting you're wrong was easy, but it's a mature, respectful, and incredibly important quality in a relationship.
"Mutual accountability is necessary for a healthy relationship," says Chlipala. "Being the only one to apologize can lead to resentment and feelings of powerlessness."
If you're the one who's always giving, then this just might mean you're more invested in the relationship than your partner, which, again, is an inequality. If communicating this to your partner seems to fall on deaf ears and there doesn't appear to be any change, it's important to take stock in what you have, realize your worth, and decide just how important what you deserve is to you.