As much fun as the physical act of sex is, there's something equally sexy about simply talking to your partner about sex... and not only during dirty talk. Chatting about your fantasies, turn-ons, and sexual preferences is a great way to feel even more connected and in sync, plus it serves the dual purpose of making for some pretty hot foreplay — you're bound to get all hot and bothered when you're going into detail about what turns you on.
"When you can openly and candidly talk with your partner about sexuality and intimacy you'll feel more connected, increase your pleasure potential, and have a more meaningful relationship," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. The best way to improve your sex life? Be upfront about what turns you on, and open-minded when it comes to exploring new things together in the bedroom. If you're comfortable being candid about sex, that's a sign that you mutually trust each other and feel secure in your relationship.
1What Sounds Turn You On?
Does your partner like moaning, heavy breathing, dirty talk, a combo... or something else entirely? Asking your partner what sounds they like to hear in bed might seem out of left field, but their answer has the potential to seriously enhance your sex life.
"The senses play an important part in boosting our arousal," Levine says. You might think that "touch" is the most crucial sense when it comes to sex, but don't underestimate the power of certain sexy noises to help turn us on in bed.
2What's Your Hottest Sexual Memory Of Us?
It's always fun to reminisce, and what better to daydream about than a particularly hot sex session with your partner?
"Mental movies based on memories can be a turn-on or enhance a sexual experience," Levine says. Ask your partner to describe (in detail) their favorite sexual memory of you two — then you can have fun recreating those details later.
3What Makes You Feel Most Connected To Me?
If you feel like your sex life has been lacking in passion lately, try asking your partner what makes them feel most connected to you.
"Connection is in the key to lasting intimacy," Levine says. "Use this as one go-to when you want to feel close." Maybe they love to cuddle after sex, or maybe they feel the strongest connection when you do something simple and intimate, like showering together. Once you know their answer, you can work on re-building your connection by having more of those moments.
4What's A Fantasy You Want To Make Real?
Almost everyone has two kinds of fantasies: the ones we're dying to try IRL, and those that we'd rather remain strictly imaginary.
"Fantasy and friction are essential to arousal," Stefani Threadgill, sex therapist and founder of The Sex Therapy Institute, tells Bustle. "And novelty and adventure are components of desire. Talking out and/or experiencing each other's fantasies can increase both arousal and desire and keep the sex hot."
5Will You Show Me Where And How You Like To Be Touched?
When words just aren't enough, you can always turn up the heat by asking your partner to show you how they like to be touched. You'll learn more about how to arouse them, and probably initiate some sexy foreplay in the process.
"Many couples are uncomfortable asking for what they want sexually, directing their partner, and expressing pleasure," Threadgill says. "This can be a sexy way to start the conversation."
6Are There Any Sex Toys You Want To Try?
Sex toys are great for masturbation, but that doesn't mean they aren't equally invaluable for partnered sex, too. There are plenty of amazing couples sex toys that add extra stimulation so both of you are left satisfied.
"Sex toys can help couples expand their repertoire," Threadgill says. If you're toy novices, take a trip to a sex shop together and have fun picking out some fun new things to play with in bed.
7Describe A Hot Sex Scene You've Read Or Seen
Asking your partner what sex scenes they find hottest will give you insight into their fantasies and desires, whether it's something they saw in porn or in Game of Thrones.
"This one can be fun because you can learn about your partner’s sexual scripts, as many of my patients name a sex scene from a film or book they remember from early in their sex lives," Threadgill says.
8How Do You Turn Yourself On?
Instead of asking how you can turn your partner on, try asking how they like to turn themselves on, whether that's when they're masturbating or before/during sex with you.
"Many couples operate under the assumption that they are responsible for each other’s orgasms but we get ourselves off, not each other," Threadgill says. "In order to orgasm, we need stimulation, relaxation and concentration and a partner can only offer us one of the three."
9Describe What Your Orgasm Feels Like
Describing an orgasm is easier said than done, but it's a fun question to ask your partner nonetheless. "[This question] takes sexy talk to another level because it offers a felt experience for their significant other," Threadgill says.
A tell-tale sign of a healthy sex life is being comfortable talking to your partner about all things intimate. "Knowing your sexual desires and needs and being able to communicate them to your partner are essential to a satisfying sex life, yet many couples do not talk about sex," Threadgill says.
By opening up a dialogue about your turn-ons and fantasies, you and your partner can learn even more about each other — and then have even hotter sex as a result.