Why Do People Lose Interest In A Crush? 19 People Reveal The Reasons They Suddenly Weren't Feeling It
Have you ever had a massive crush on someone, only to later experience a moment where they do or say something that immediately causes your romantic feelings to evaporate? It might sound harsh, but it's actually totally normal: everyone has their own unique set of dating dealbreakers, and it's OK to lose interest in a crush (or even a long-term partner) if you discover something about them that you simply can't overlook. In a recent AskReddit thread, one user asked people to describe an occasion when they suddenly lost romantic interest in someone — and their answers are a fascinating glimpse into real people's biggest dating dealbreakers.
“A dealbreaker is an issue that is so important to a person, that if the other person will not compromise or concede, the relationship would probably not work out," psychologist and life coach, Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC tells Bustle. "They are things that are so deeply and utterly important to the person, that they could not be in a relationship with someone who did not share, or at least support and respect them."
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide which qualities and behaviors are dealbreakers for you — just remember that you're never obligated to stay with someone if you notice that they're exhibiting dealbreaker behavior. If you're curious about what causes other people to be totally turned off romantically, here are 18 reasons people have lost interest in someone they were dating.
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1. Constant Complaining
Everyone needs to vent from time to time, but constant complaining gets old really fast.
2. Never Asking Questions
If someone is honestly interested in getting to know you, they'll ask you questions and engage in conversation with you, not just talk at you about themselves.
3. Being A Phone Snubber
For the uninformed, phone snubbing is when someone has a nasty habit of ignoring others because their eyes are glued to their phone screen. Needless to say, it's not very nice dating behavior.
4. Stealing Something
Pro tip: don't steal from someone if you might be interested in dating them.
5. Becoming A Clone Of The Person They're Dating
If you're in a relationship with someone, it's normal to adopt some of their habits and interests — but it's not normal to become a complete clone of them, without any sense of self or independence.
6. Already Being Taken
Oof — nothing strings quite like finding out your crush is already taken (unless you're both non-monogamous, of course).
7. Making Fun Of The Person They're Dating
It might suck to hear someone you like making fun of you behind your back, but the silver lining is that you dodged one very cruel bullet.
8. Being Tagged In Worrisome Memes
Memes might seem harmless enough, but if your crush is always getting tagged in memes about being a ~player~, that's not a very encouraging sign.
9. Believing In Santa Claus
Still believing in Santa at age 26 is a pretty big red flag, IMO (as is being controlling).
10. Saying 'I Miss You' After One Date
Everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to clinginess, but I'd say a good rule of thumb is to not tell someone you "miss them" after only one date.
11. Avoiding Chores
I might be biased because I actually enjoy doing the dishes (?!), but it's pretty understandable to be turned off by someone who's unwilling to pitch in and help with chores when asked.
12. Treating Others Poorly
Your crush might be all smiles and laughs with you, but if you notice they treat others poorly, that's your cue to move on and find someone who's actually nice.
13. Being Too Arrogant
Ugh, there's nothing worse than someone who's so arrogant that they can never admit they're wrong. P.S.: lacking empathy is not something to brag about.
14. Flirting With Someone Else On A Date
Flirting with someone else to make your date jealous? Not exactly the smoothest move.
15. Driving Drunk
If someone is irresponsible enough to endanger themselves and others by driving drunk, then you have every right to call things off.
16. Being Self-Centered
Dating someone who's selfish is the worst — so don't feel like you have to tolerate someone who isn't willing to put your feelings and needs first when appropriate.
17. Not Liking Music... At All
More than anything, this is just baffling.
18. Never Making Plans To Hang Out IRL
News flash: you have to hang out in person if you want to actually date someone.
Whatever your dealbreakers are, don't be afraid to own them — because you should never settle for someone who doesn't embody all the things you want in a partner.