Sex & Relationships

Partner’s Penis Too Big? Here’s How To Make Sex A Little Bit Easier

Nine tips straight from the experts.

Originally Published: 
If your partner's penis is too big, here are nine ways to make sex a little easier.
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In this life, we all face challenges — tests of our mettle, causes that seem beyond lost, problems that seem to push the very limits of our intellect, creativity, and bravery. And sometimes, one of those challenges is figuring out how to deal with a really big penis.

Many people believe that, like the noble Sasquatch, the too-big penis is simply a myth; others think you’re experimenting with a new genre of humblebraggery when you complain that a too-big penis chafed your vagina so much while having sex that it still stings hours later. “Must be a nice problem to have,” those unenlightened folks will tell you as they angrily sip their lattes and mentally cross you off their Christmas card lists. But too-big penises are very real — and they are a very real problem.

Enormous penises sound great on paper, of course — if they didn’t, “Boogie Nights” would just be a movie about a guy who works in a bar sometimes. But having intercourse with someone who has a very large penis can be distracting in a way that makes it hard to enjoy yourself fully in the moment and difficult to focus on orgasming. And the anxiety and anticipation that can rise out of these experiences can suck the fun out of your entire sex life — not just the parts involving penetrative sex. Stressing out about dealing with a big penis can be the hardest part of dealing with a big penis.

If you are dealing with a very large penis in your life and are at a loss for what to do, you need a plan. Also, if you’re experiencing serious pain when having penis-in-vagina intercourse, please see a doctor — extreme vaginal pain can be a symptom of real-deal medical problems. Here are ten ways to make taking a big penis go a little more smoothly.

1. Let Yourself Orgasm First

According to Dr. Carolina Pataky, sex and relationship therapist and co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute, climaxing before intercourse can release neuro-chemicals that help your pelvic floor muscles relax, which can in turn help prepare you for penetration with the extra well-endowed. Focusing on foreplay can also take the pressure off the penis-in-vagina portion: After all, sex doesn’t have to be limited to penetration.

2. Let Go Of Pressure

Easier said than done, but if you can be patient with yourself and try not to worry about how you’re going to handle a too-big penis, you just might have an easier time of it. “Stress will tighten those muscles and make sex [more] difficult to enjoy,” says Pataky. “Give yourself permission to slow things down and shift to a more pleasurable experience.” She suggests focusing on what turns you on, rather than being too “penis focused.”

3. Use Lube

Lube really makes everything easier in bed. Applying it to the genitals before penetration can help decrease friction, making the experience more comfortable and more pleasurable. With a too-big penis, lubricant will make entry easier and, when inside, help prevent vaginal tearing and chafing. Lube is your friend!

4. Try Different Positions

Certain sex positions for well-endowed partners will make it less daunting, practically speaking, to facilitate sex. On top, reverse cowgirl, and spooning are a few options that provide easier angles for entry and control the depth of penetration.

Pataky recommends trying a penis ring during sex, which not only will create a great sensation for the penis-haver, but also “help control the depth of how far they can go in.”

5. Try Stretching And Edging

Foreplay can help warm you up and ease you into penetration. Pataky recommends starting with a finger, vibrator, or dildo and building up from there before intercourse. She also recommends edging: “Bring yourself close to orgasm, then back off, and begin the ride. This can be a really exciting way to play, pleasure, and welcome entry,” she says.

6. Befriend The Penis

Pataky suggests “befriending” the too-big penis — using the head to pleasure yourself in other erotic areas, like your clitoris, nipples, lips, and the area around the anus. “Close your eyes, be in the moment, and surrender to sensations,” Pataky says. “Allow yourself to fully connect to the sensory stimulation.” Again, this also helps shift from the mindset of viewing penetration as the main event.

7. Focus On Your Breathing

Breathing allows the pelvic floor to relax and descend during inhalation, explains Pataky, which can make both insertion and penetration easier. “Begin the insertion during inhalation and continue to breathe until the discomfort has faded, and insert slightly more during the next inhale phase,” she says. Bonus: Deep breathing calms your nerves, helping ease any anxieties you have about sex, and if you’re relaxed it’ll be more fun and pleasurable.

8. Talk About It

Talking about what you are feeling and what you need in that moment is probably the most effective tool in the big-penis-handling arsenal. It’s the key to adjusting angles, changing positions, adding more lube — all things that make having sex with a huge penis possible. Communicating with your partner during sex also builds intimacy and helps ensure you feel safe and comfortable each step of the way.

9. Change Your Expectations

When working with a huge penis, some things will take more time, planning, and equipment than you initially thought, and you might start to feel like you are helping someone build a toolshed rather than engaging in a spontaneous act of lovemaking. So the most helpful tool for, uh, handling a big tool, is to try to drop your expectations about what you have to do to make your sex look “good” — that sex shouldn’t have to have toys, or a massive amount of foreplay every time, or whatever it is you need. Don’t stress out about that. As noted sexual scholar Dr. George Michael once put it, “Sex is fun.” Don’t lose sight of that, even in the most trying moments. Also, lube.

Source cited:

Dr. Carolina Pataky, sex and relationship therapist and co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute

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