Considering roughly 75 to 80 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, there’s nothing quite like the cowgirl sex position to make that happen. When you’re on top, you’re in control of how you want to move, how to position yourself to make things feel good, and your clitoris is getting lots of action from your partner’s pubic bone, which is what makes it such a perfect position for the female orgasm. It’s also great if you can experience a blended orgasm, because then you’re getting sensations from all over the place.
While there’s no debating just how fantastic a position this is, for some women, it can be a little daunting. “A lot of women feel self-conscious about being on top," sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, writes for Bustle. "Which is a shame, since it’s one of the best positions for female orgasm.” Whether that self-consciousness comes from being completely exposed, with everything in plain view, or the fear that you’re moving “wrong,” these are legitimate concerns that many of us share. In other words, having these feelings is normal.
But because this is a position you really want to work into your sexual repertoire, then you should definitely be doing everything you can to get the most out of it. It’s not just about getting on top and grinding away, but others things, too — don’t worry; not hard things! So before you get your cowgirl on again, here are nine ways to get even more out of the sex position every grown-ass woman needs to know.
1. Explore What Feels Good To You
While, yes, this technically can be said for all sex positions, but because the cowgirl position does present its obstacles due to various insecurities in bed it’s important to really mess around and see what works for you and what doesn’t. If you can let yourself be in the moment, focusing on feelings and sensations, which means getting out of your head, you’re going to get way more out of the experience.
2. Realize How Amazing Your Body Is
Although I tend to exude a lot of confidence in bed, I will admit that when I’m in the cowgirl position, sitting up there on my partner, I do feel really exposed. If I don’t get a handle on my over-analysis about everything, I’ll totally obsess about my stretch marks, how my left boob is a tiny bit bigger than my right, and this wretched scar I have on my thigh from college-aged stupidity. But then I have to rein myself in and realize my body is actually quite gorgeous — as I start to quote Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” in my head — so I can really enjoy myself and quit overthinking thing.
3. Experiment Alone If You’re Iffy About Your Technique
As Marin wrote:
“If you feel really shy about experimenting with your partner, you can get a better sense of the movements by practicing on your own. Cowgirl is all about how you move your hips. Get on your knees on your bed and stuff some pillows between your legs. Try moving your hips around in a few different ways (we’ll get to some specifics in a moment). You’re going to feel a little silly, but go with it!”
And, let’s be honest, it probably won’t be the first time you’ve humped a pillow.
4. Communicate With Your Partner What You Need From Their End
If you’re nervous, tell your partner. If you want them to give you feedback (no matter how brutally honest), tell them. Share with your partner your fears, insecurities, and what you need from them to really get the most out of having sex on top. You’ll both feel better for communicating about it.
"Knowing what you want and being able to express that will ignite things in the bedroom," Sarah Watson, sex therapist and counselor, tells Bustle. "Talk with your partner about what turns you on and what doesn't. Decide how to explore wants and desires together. The more intimacy in the relationship generally leads to a healthy sexual relationship."
5. Consider Introducing Toys To The Position
Perhaps you need even more clitoral stimulation with a vibrator or even some anal play to really bring the experience to complete fruition. Sex toys exist for a reason — and that reason is to make sex better and more exciting.
"Vibrators kind of level the playing field for women in the bedroom," Claire Cavanah co-founder of Babeland, tells Bustle, "A lot of women really need the consistent stimulation on their clitoris to have same experience as men have."
6. Include Some Dirty Talk
Not only is dirty talk great for your sex life, it’s also the best way for your partner to give feedback in a sexy way that sounds more like fun than an anatomy class. Talking dirty can also give you the confidence boost you need to really get into the position and enhance the romp for both of you. You’re on top, so you’re in charge. You might as well take advantage of it.
"Figure out what works for you and stick with it with slight variations depending on the mood," sex expert, Davondra Brown, tells Bustle.
7. Don’t Forget The Foreplay
Here’s a fun fact that you may not have known: “Foreplay lowers inhibitions and increases the emotional comfort of the partners,” according to Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy. So if you invest in enough foreplay, or at least enough until you feel good and ready to conquer the cowgirl position, you’ll find that both you and your partner will benefit.
8. Do What Makes You Feel Comfortable
As is the case with sex, in general, you need to make sure you’re comfortable. If you get into cowgirl position and give it a go for 10 minutes, then realize you need a break, take that break. As much as pushing the sexual boundaries can be fun, you’re going to get the most out of the position if you stay in your comfort zone for now. Ten minutes of awesome is better than 20 minutes of, “Is it my turn to be on the bottom yet?”
9. Own Cowgirl For What It Is
If you truly want to get the absolute most out of anything in life, whether it’s sex-related or not, you need to own it. "Sex is one of the most vulnerable acts we can engage in," says Watson. "Insecurities can come from everywhere: previous relationships, media, music, our own expectations, and lack of experience. Own it and learn from it if you want to work on it."
You need to own that you love it, own that you’re iffy about it, or, if is the case, own that it’s not the position for you. That’s really want all of this comes down to and, in the process, you end up owning your sexuality, too.
Images: Fotolia; Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle; Giphy (9)