As 2010 closes up shop and 2020 gets ready to make its debut, I think many of us can agree the past decade was, for lack of a better word, intense. As much as politics may have thrown us for a loop in the last three years, overall the decade was one of growth, awareness, progressive movements, and, of course, innovation. And among those innovations came the
explosion of sex toys in a culture that finally got the memo that human sexuality isn't just something to be discussed, but celebrated too.
Whenever something takes off, as
sex toy innovation did in the past decade, you can usually expect that niche items are to follow. I mean, there has to be something for everyone after all. And, as a decade that saw and the return of Game of Thrones become a cultural phenomenon Star Wars, it was also a decade that appealed to our inner nerd — I write this as someone who got a Star Wars tattoo three years ago. From an entertainment standpoint, dragons and droids reigned supreme in some ways. Naturally this meant there was a market for sex toys that coincided with these things, as well as other pop culture favorites from the past decade.
No matter if you want to get off with a dragon tongue, a rubber ducky, or a silicone corn on the cob, here are 23 nerdy and kitschy sex toys you didn't know you needed — until now.
Remember in 2016 when
Pokemon Go became a thing and people were trying to catch the Pokemon characters all over the place —which also meant accidentally walking into lamp posts and trespassing on people's property? Now you can take your deep love of Pokemon into the bedroom with this Poke moan (get it?) collection of Piky, Charmy, Bulby, and Squirty dildos.
Who needs Captain America when you can have Captain Anal instead? Yes, he saves the country or world, or something (I never saw it), but when was the last time he stimulated a prostate or gave an orgasm with something a little extra special? Since the 2010s became the decade of
exploring anal play, this butt plug is just the right fit for your butt or your partner(s) butt.
Emojis were huge this past decade! So much so that some people actually learned how to communicate solely in all emojis. Some brands, like Lovehoney, took advantage of this trend and put
emoji faces on vibrators, while other brands, like Emojibator, actually made emoji into sex toys. If you're going to send someone an eggplant emoji, you might as well have the vibrator version charged and ready to go when they get to your place.
Game Of Moans Long Shaft
If you didn't watch
Game of Thrones (and I'm someone who didn't), then you probably don't properly understand what all the buzz is about. But for those who loved it and couldn't get enough of it, the Game of Moans sex toy line was exactly what they needed in their life. If you can't be the Mother of Dragons IRL, then you can at least pretend you are in your own way.
Maybe not exactly what the inventor of the iconic rubber ducky had in mind, but this vibrator has been a big seller on Babeland for the past decade. It's not only great for orgasms, but if you
travel with your sex toys, it's definitely one of the most inconspicuous options you have. Not that anyone should ever be ashamed to travel with sex toys. Ever.
If the Game of Moans sword dildo doesn't cut it for your
Game of Thrones fantasy, then giving BDSM a try with this dragon egg gag just might take things to whole new level. Besides, you know in any porn version of GoT, Daenerys Targaryen is totally wearing one of these.
Star Wars nerd in me almost lost her mind when I came across this masturbator of Han Solo frozen in carbonite, as he was in The Empire Strikes Back. But, as a non-penis owner, it doesn't do me much good. However, for those who do have a penis and also have a thing for Han Solo, this is probably one of the best masturbators on the market for you. Han was, after all, pretty much the best looking guy in that galaxy, far, faraway.
Louviva Confetti Clear Dildo
Because not everyone gives a damn about
Star Wars or Game of Thrones, a kitschy sex toy that's a bit more on the lighter side is this confetti dildo. Not only will it make it feel like it's your birthday every time you use it, but you can stick it on any flat surface, which is great if you get bored easily and need a change of scenery.
When it comes to
Star Wars, you're either part of the rebellion or on the Dark Side. If it's the latter — and, hey, they have their own brand of fun over on that side too — then the Darth Vibrator is for you. Turn this vibrator on, grab some photos or put on movie clips of Kylo Ren, and you have the perfect combo for one hell of a hot masturbation session.
According to Conde Nast Traveler, Paris is second on the list of the
top 10 places tourists visited in 2019. While that may be the case, not everyone can afford to go to Paris. Next best thing? The Eiffel Tower dildo, of course. (They actually sell these in all the sex shops in Pigalle.) Lube up this dildo for either vaginal or anal play, and suddenly you'll be singing "La vie en rose," just like Edith Piaf.
Technically, this is the Death Star, but I imagine copyright infringement might not allow the real name to be used. Legalities aside, if your partner is being really naughty and they need a dose of their own Dark Side medicine, there's no ball gag like this ball gag to do it.
As my mother has said to me thousands of times, there's no accounting for taste. So, with that in mind, while some of us may look at this double penetrative sex toy of silicone alien tentacles and quietly ask, "Huh?" Others totally get it and are 100% into it.
Mystic Unicorn Horn Dildo
Whimsical, cheery, and actually a bit innocent, a unicorn dildo — which has many color options from which to choose — gives those who want to stray from traditional sex toys their first taste of something a little different. It can also double as a last-minute Halloween costume. With some tape and maybe a headband or two to keep it in place, suddenly you're a walking and talking unicorn.
Instead of explaining this particular sex toy, I've decided to let the description from the website speak for itself:
"Much pleasure I sense in this dildo, tempted by the darkside [sic] you will be…. When 900 years old you reach, look as good, your dick will not…. Do or do not, there is no try…"
Definitely puts all
thoughts of Baby Yoda into perspective, doesn't it?
Penguins don't have to be your favorite animal for any animal-lover to adore the Pro Penguin by Satisfyer. Not only does this toy perfectly stimulate the clitoris with pressurized waves of air, but it's rocking a bowtie. When was the last time you went out with someone who wore a bowtie and who could also give you an orgasm? Probably never.
Making our way back to the Mother of Dragons, because the 2010s truly did belong to
Game of Thrones, we have the Drodong. Whether it's supposed to look like a dragon's penis, finger, knuckle, or something else, it's all about your imagination. With all those textures wrapped into one toy, I'm sure you'll find it very easy to imagine whatever part of a dragon it might be. Tongue, maybe? Who's to say, but you.
17. Realistic Corn Shaped Vibrator
For some, when it comes to keeping things nice and kitschy, vegetables fill that hole — literally. This small and powerful vibrator can either stimulate externally or internally. But, because it is a straight shaft, you will need to angle it a bit if you're trying to reach your G-spot.
Even if you didn't try to
raid Area 51 this past year, that doesn't mean you don't believe in extraterrestrial life or have the desire to have an alien dildo. If that desire is strong in you, then this is the only alien dildo that will do — mostly because alien dildos aren't exactly easy to find.
TIANYA Female Smart Shark Vibrator
Perhaps, in an ideal world, no one wants anything with teeth like
Jaws coming at their vulva, but this is a little different. Considering it's the shark's tail and dorsal fin of this toy that's stimulating the G-spot and clitoris, respectively, it's not so scary at all. Also, that shark is smiling and happy to help you with your orgasm.
Exactly who David is remains a mystery to me, but I'm sure there's a person, or rather many people out there with penises who know exactly who David is. I'm also sure they are more than grateful to know that they can finally have a David's Muzzle masturbator.
So, maybe fans of
The Little Mermaid didn't exactly picture this when thinking to themselves, "I should own a mermaid dildo," but very few things in life are perfect. Besides, if you purchase this toy you get to sing to yourself, as Ariel did, "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything?" I think we can all agree that that trove she sings about has a least a few sex toys in there, so you might as well have a trove of your own with this in it — because it's "neat."
Naughty Candy Heart Butt Plug
Let's be honest with ourselves: it
doesn't have to be Valentine's Day to wear a candy heart butt plug. Sure, it can make for an extra special surprise when you undress and voila! But it's not V-Day mandatory, making it a year-long toy for those who love a little kitsch — in their butt.
For history buffs, this Xerxes dildo that aims to
pleasure the G-spot and the clitoris in more ways than one. Intellectually speaking, you have Xerxes, king of the Persian Achaemenid Empire in you and against your clitoris. Then, sexually speaking, you have king of the Persian Achaemenid Empire getting you off. That's hot stuff for a lot of people.
As I said, it's been one hell of a decade. But knowing that with it came these wonderful, delightful sex toys makes the downsides worth it and the upsides, even better.