We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto our topic: the best sex positions for beginners.
Q: My boyfriend and I recently lost our virginity to each other. We’re still figuring out how it all works, but it’s gradually getting less awkward and more fun! We’ve only been doing missionary, but I’d like to try some new positions. I have some ideas of what we can try, but I’m not sure exactly how to get into certain positions and how to move in a way that will be fun for me. Any tips for a beginner that will be fun for both of us?
A: Absolutely! Starting to explore the wonderful world of sex positions is a lot of fun, especially when you’ve got a good partner by your side. Here are my recommendations for the five best sex positions for beginners:
1. Missionary With Your Legs Pulled In
How to do it: When you’re in missionary position, lie with your feet off the bed and pull your knees into your chest. You can do this during or before penetration. As your partner pushes in and out of you, let your hips rock back and forth. For them, the movement is pretty similar to regular missionary.
Variations to try: This basic sex position, modified, is a great example of the power of small changes. Even moving your legs closer to or further from your chest by a few inches will create a different angle of penetration. You can also pull your legs further apart or squeeze them closer together. Or keep one foot flat on the bed and the other leg lifted into the air. If you’re limber, you can also try resting both of your ankles on his shoulders.
2. Missionary With A Pillow Under Your Hips
How to do it: Before you start having sex, place a pillow under your hips, then let your partner enter you like during regular missionary. This is a super easy variation on an already basic sex position that can create mind-blowing results. It helps their body push against your clitoris, which may help you reach orgasm. You can have them focus more on grinding against you instead of thrusting in and out.
Variations to try: You can invest in sex furniture like the Liberator, which is specially designed for this position. Its sloped surface helps you experiment with raising your body further up off the bed.
3. Dangling Over The Edge Of The Bed
How to do it: Go to the edge of the bed and let your legs hang off, and have your partner place their body between your legs and enter you. You’re pretty much along for the ride with this one, and the person on top gets to thrust away to their heart’s content! This is an easy sex position for people with penises because it doesn’t require them to hold up their body weight with their arms.
Variations to try: If your bed isn’t the correct height for your bodies to line up, you can try putting a pillow under your hips — or you can have them kneel on the floor between your legs, then hold each of your thighs in their arms for more leverage and intensity. You can also move your legs closer or further apart from each other, or rest your ankles on their shoulders for extremely deep and powerful penetration.
4. Person With A Vulva On Top
How to do it: Have your partner lie on their back. Crawl on top of them, resting one leg on either side of their body. Slowly lower yourself down onto them. This position can be an intense one to begin with if you’re not very wet, so you may want to start with an easier one or use some additional lubricant.
Variations to try: Try playing around with a number of different ways of moving your hips. You can grind in a slow circle. You can push your hips toward and away from their chest. You can move your hips up and down on them. You can also try changing the angle of your body by leaning forward or back while touching your clitoris. If you’re not sure how to move, ask your partner to hold on to your hips and show you what they like.
5. In A Chair
How to do it: Have your partner sit in a chair. You want to find one that’s short, sturdy, and doesn’t have wheels. It’s also preferable to use something that doesn’t have armrests, since those can get in the way. Slowly lower yourself onto them like you did with the On Top position (again, you may want to start with a more basic sex position first or use lube). Both of your feet will be on the ground, which will give you lots of leverage. You can also hold on to the back of the chair or to his shoulders for additional support. You can easily move up and down, or you can grind your hips in a seductive circle or in a figure-eight pattern.
Variations to try: You do this position on a sofa or on the bed against a headboard; your partner’s still sitting up, but you’re on your knees. You also can try kneeling on the chair if there’s enough space, or turn around and lower yourself onto them backwards, which will create an entirely new angle of penetration.
Other Tips For Moving Beyond Missionary
1. Do Some Research Together
When you’re new to sex, it can be awkward in the moment not only to try to think of what you want to do next, but also to figure out how to get into that position. In addition to trying these sex positions for beginners, I’d recommend that you and your partner look at pictures of additional sex positions together while you’re outside of the bedroom. Looking at pictures and talking through logistics together will make it a lot easier to try new things once you’re naked!
2. Make Small Adjustments
You don’t have to get too acrobatic during sex. Sometimes even the smallest adjustment to an easy sex position can create an entirely different angle of penetration. Try pulling your legs further apart or squeezing them closer together. Try moving one leg but keeping the other still. Try tilting your pelvis up or back. Any of these minor shifts can lead to new sensations.
3. Use Your Words
In TV and the movies, characters always roll around into new and complicated positions without ever speaking to each other. While this does happen naturally every once in a while, you should expect that you and your partner will have to speak to each other when you want to veer away from the basic sex positions. There’s nothing wrong with using your words! You don’t have to give a speech; something as simple as, “I want to get on top” or “let me pull my legs up” will do the trick.
Keep in mind that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to move. Just keep experimenting with each other and having fun!