When my mom got a tattoo in 1980s England, it was somewhat rare for a woman to be inked. Nowadays, tattoos are everywhere, and as someone with zero body art, I’ve been able to compile a mental list of things people without tattoos are often sick of hearing. Don't get me wrong: I love a good tat, but at this time in my life, I find myself tattoo-free regardless.
Humans choose to get inked for all kinds of reasons, from commemorating an event or a loved one, to enjoying the sensation, or simply because they want to turn their skin into a beautiful canvas filled with art. There are tons of different types of tats to suit all tastes as well, such as subtle tattoos for those who find it tricky to commit or handy eyebrow tattoos for folks tired of relentless grooming. It's not all that surprising that tattoos would eventually be embraced, what with their link to unapologetic self-expression.
The main reason I haven't gone under the needle yet is because I have no idea what design I would like to host on my skin forever. Choosing a tattoo design isn't like searching for the perfect pair of pants. It's not something you can easily get rid of if you grow out of it. So here are a bunch of things people with no tattoos are likely sick of hearing, because we just don't want to get inked right now and that's cool, too.
1. "Are you scared of needles?"
TBH, I dislike having my blood taken, but I'm not afraid of needles per se. Even if I was actually afraid of them, I wouldn't let it stop me from getting a tattoo if I really wanted one.
2. "I thought you would have a tattoo."
Why? Is there a certain type of person or personality type that gets inked? I don't believe there is. Tattoos are for everyone! Well, anyone over the legal age limit, of course.
3. "You’d look amazing with tattoos."
Are you implying that I look less attractive because I don't have tattoos? Cheers for that! It wasn't like I asked for your opinion on my appearance.
4. "So you really don't have any tattoos?"
No, I really don't have any tattoos. Not even on my vagina, boobs, or butt, if that's what you're insinuating.
5. "Tattoos don't hurt, though."
Considering you're scraping ink into your skin via a needle, I'm a little dubious about that statement. However, it doesn't matter anyway because it's not the pain that concerns me. It's my ever-changing tastes.
6. "Do you think you might faint in the chair?"
Do you think you might be an asshole? Fainting is not a sign of weakness, so stop trying to shame people who faint. Sure, I might pass out if I ever get a tattoo, but why is that actually an issue?
7. "Don’t worry. They take really good care of you."
Thanks, I guess? I honestly don't doubt the professionalism of a good tattoo artist, but I wouldn't even be swayed if Florence Nightingale reincarnated and offered to tattoo me. I just like my body exactly the way it is, and don't want to mod it just yet.
8. "You only live once."
That's so true! So I'm going to live my life exactly the way I want to and that doesn't involve getting inked right now.
9. "You’re a creative! You must have one."
The beauty of being a human is that we are all creative in our own ways and we all get to choose how we wish to portray ourselves to the outside world. Not all "creative" people look the same, y'all.
10. "Don't think about it too much. Just do it!"
So you think I should go with a design I'm only half happy with, just in order to lose my tattoo virginity? That sounds like a great idea.
11. "My tattoo artist is amazing. I'll hook you up."
Have you been listening to a word I've said? No? Didn't think so.
Maybe one day I will finally make up my mind and decide on a tattoo design that I might want for keeps. For now, I'll be sticking to temporary tats and admiring everyone else's beautiful body art.
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Images: Phoebe Waller; Pixabay; TachinaLee, EliDeFaria, ChristopherCampbell (2),TaraUrso, DominikMartin/Unsplash