The One Sex Toy I Love Using With A Partner

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Courtesy of Amanda Chatel/Dame Products

Whether it's a casual hook-up, a summer fling, or a long-term relationship, I love using sex toys with my partners. As a woman who needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm, intercourse alone just isn't going to do it for me. And, even if my partner has magic fingers or a gifted tongue, using sex toys together can take the pressure off them to get me to orgasm. So we both win.

"There's this fear that sex toys are making people less into each other, that they're too mechanical etc, but they actually improve sex, make people want to be with each other, and can connect you over long distances," Claire Cavanah, co-founder of sex shop Babeland, tells Bustle. It's also in using sex toys with your partner that you have better communication, which is essential for either a one-night stand or a long-term relationship.

While I can easily narrow down my top five sex toys I love to use with a partner, including goodies from b-Vibe (those Cinco Anal Beads —wow!), Satisfyer (the Partner Multifun 1 specifically), and Eva II by Dame Products, my most favorite is Fin by Dame Products. When it comes to sex toy use with a partner, you just can't go wrong. Here's why it's my absolute favorite.


You Don't Have To Hold It

Amanda Chatel

For me, one the biggest swoon-worthy things about Fin, is that you don't even have to hold it — like, at all. Thanks to its detachable tether, it basically feels like a part of my hand, well, if my hand vibrated.

"After creating Eva, we heard from some potential customers that did love the hands-free-ness aspects of Eva," Alex Fine, co-founder and CEO of Dame Products, tells Bustle. "Some of them wanted to be more engaged in using the vibrator on their partner (or themselves). So we started testing out all hand worn products and none of them were meeting our standards, so we invented Fin."

Because of this, my hands stay free, unlike with other toys that I would have to hold. Having both my hands actively involved during sex, at least for me, is essential. I like to be able to touch my partner and feel all parts of their body and Fin allows me to do just that.


It's Not Intimidating

Despite being very comfortable in my sexuality and very comfortable around sex toys, I will admit that some toys can be intimidating. If you looked at my stash of toys, you're not going to find a 10-inch dildo, because that's just too much for me. I know I'd feel like pulling out a toy of that size would be like introducing another star to a movie where my partner and I are already top-billed.

With Fin, that's never a problem. It's so small (yet still powerful), that it doesn't feel like it's the main entertain when I'm in bed (although, honestly, it totally is).


It Can Be Used All Over

Amanda Chatel

Oh, all the places that Fin can go! Fin isn't just great for clitoral stimulation, but for stimulation everywhere. Whether it's the nipples, the vulva, the perineum, the anus, or all the other erogenous zones on the human body, Fin is literally designed to please everywhere and anywhere.

For me, I especially love using it while giving my partner a blowjob. With the tether keeping it locked in place, I can add vibration to my partner's penis and scrotum, while giving him head. It offers a completely different sensation that my mouth just can't do on its own. I've even found that placing Fin against my partner's perineum while giving him a blowjob just takes him to a whole other world of pleasure.


It Has Three Perfect Speeds

I very rarely toss around the word "perfect." Unless it's pizza or goat cheese, this isn't a word I have, or will ever, use lightly. But when it comes to the three speeds that Fin offers, they really hit the spot. With each intensity, I get to tease my partner (and myself). It's especially great for the practice of edging, in which you bring your partner to the edge of orgasm, only to deny them, as a way to intensify the impending orgasm.

"Orgasm denial is often practiced as BDSM, and it involves maintaining arousal without allowing orgasm to follow," Dr. Jess O’Reilly, host of the SexWithDrJess Podcast, tells Bustle. "Oftentimes, a dominant partner will stimulate their submissive partner to high levels of arousal — even to the brink of orgasm — and then change things up, slow down, or stop to inhibit orgasm."

Although, it should be noted that you don't have to be even remotely engaged in BDSM to enjoy this. Ultimately, it's about giving yourself (if you try it during masturbation) or your partner one hell of a strong orgasm.


My Partners Like To Use It Too

Because it is so small, so unobtrusive, and so easy to use, I've found that my partners also enjoy taking the reins and using Fin. I even had one partner say that it didn't really feel like we were using a sex toy, because it was just part of his hand (or mine).

While I'm skeptical of any partner who might be intimidated by any sex toy that I might introduce to the party, intimidation just doesn't come with Fin. It's hard to feel like you're being shown up by something that doesn't just fit in the palm of your hand, but fits in it when your hand is closed too.


It Travels Well

If there's anything that's going to have me cheering its creation, it's a sex toy that travels and travels well. While, technically, any toy can travel (except maybe the MotorBunny), some are easier to pack than others.

While lots of toys come with their own traveling cases, Fin's size makes it ideal for travel. In fact, you can pretty much put it in your pocket and off to the airport you go. This isn't just great for long weekends (or several weeks) away, but even fantastic for tossing it in your bag on your way out the door to meet friends. You never know where the night will take you, so it's best to be prepared.


From the first time I slipped my hand into Fin's tether, I've been in love. I've enjoyed it hundreds of times alone and dozens of times with partners. It will always be my go-to sex toy when it comes to sharing pleasure and fun.

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