If You Can’t Do These 9 Things Together With Your Partner, Then They’re Not "The One"

Ad failed to load

Is there really one person out there who's perfect for you? Tons of people really think so. According to a poll conducted by Monmouth University in February of 2017, two-thirds of American adults believe in soulmates — aka “The One.” Of those polled, 35 percent reported believing in this concept “a great deal,” while 31 percent reported believing in it “somewhat.” A 2011 Marist poll also found that 73 percent of Americans believe in soulmates — 74 percent of men and 71 percent of women — and 79 percent of people under 45 years of age believe in them, compared to 69 percent over 45 believing in the concept of there really only being one true love for everyone.

While the idea of "The One" or a soulmate is great, in theory, there’s no hard scientific evidence to back it up and, from a realistic perspective, believing that there is only one person for you in the whole world is rather limiting. Not to mention, with 7.4 billion people living on the planet, the odds are against you. Which, honestly, kinda throws a somewhat killjoy wrench in the whole thing. That being said, there are people in the world who are right for us far more than others are suited for us. And, yes, it’s these people we may often declare as "The One".

So, if that’s the case, how do you know you’ve found them? Well, experts say that if you can’t do these nine things with them, then they’re not "The One". And if you can do these nine things with them? Then it certainly sounds like you've snagged yourself a great match for the long-term.

Ad failed to load

1Feel Safe With Each Other

Ashley Batz/Bustle

It's extremely important to feel safe in a relationship. Not only should you be able to feel physically safe, but emotionally, mentally, and sexually safe, too. You should be able to feel that you can always be yourself and that no matter what happens, you always have back-up — that back-up being your partner, of course.

"It's essential for us to feel safe with our partner," psychologist and romantic getaway leader in Colorado, Dr. Wyatt Fisher, tells Bustle. "You want to have a feeling of being at ease in their presence and if you don't have that then they probably aren't 'The One' for you."

2Go Shopping Together


Whether it's venturing into Ikea together or any other store, if your partner is the right one for you, you should definitely be able to shop with them. It's not about the act of shopping, per se, as much as what it involves — support, patience, and respect.

"If you can't go shopping with your partner, they're not 'The One'," Vince Brantley, Relationship Coach for Maze of Love, tells Bustle. "...Shopping together isn't about two people's love for clothes or tools, it is about being with each other and supporting each others likes. It is also about patience and wanting to see your partner happy."

3Have Fun Together

Ashley Batz/Bustle

While it might seem obvious that if you can't have fun with your partner, then they're not a good match, but there are actually some partners out there who don't have fun together. For instance, I have found myself in very short-lived relationships with people with whom I never had fun and whom I would never even consider funny. Naturally, that's why they were short-lived. You have to be able to have fun with your partner and laugh a lot; life is too short not to laugh until your belly hurts sometimes.

"Having fun together is a vital component to closeness in a relationship," says Dr. Wyatt. "so if the fun sparks aren't happening, they probably aren't 'The One.'"

Ad failed to load

4Be Honest With Each Other

Ashley Batz/Bustle

"Honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, so it's essential that both partner hold this value," licensed psychologist Dr. Jesse D. Matthews, PsyD, tells Bustle. "A healthy relationship cannot be built on a weak foundation, which includes lies, deceit, or important information being 'left out.'"

If you ask your partner, "Do you trust me with your secrets?" or they ask you the same, and neither one of you can say a wholehearted, YES, then they're probably not a good match. Honesty isn't just the best policy, but unbelievably paramount in a relationship that has any hope of lasting.

5Watch Movies Together

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Although it would be fantastic if you and your partner's taste in movies and music overlapped, at least a bit, we can't all be so lucky. But, you can respect each other enough to switch off compromising and listening to each other's music and watch each other's movies so you can spend time together.

"If you can't watch movies or go to concerts together, they're not 'The One'," says Brantley. "The reasons are similar to shopping. We act like it's OK for two partners to not watch movies together because they have different entertainment tastes (she likes romantic comedies and he likes action, etc.). Difference and clichés aside... [it's to] value time and experiences [together.]"

6Be Transparent With Each Other

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Although there's nothing wrong with being guarded in our lives, especially depending on our past experiences, a major sign that someone is "The One" is that we drop the guard and the wall we've built around us to keep us safe. Instead, we let our freak flag fly and let our true, quirky, deliciously strange selves shine.

"It's important to feel authentic with your partner and feel comfortable sharing your real thoughts and feelings," says Dr. Wyatt. "If you're unable to do that with them then they probably aren't 'The One'."

Ad failed to load

7Give Each Other Space

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

While human beings may be social creatures, everyone, and I mean everyone, needs their space. If you can't give your partner space to do their own thing, on their terms, without you around, then they're not the right one for you. Space in a relationship is just as important as time together.

"We have to let our partners be themselves and cannot be judge-y," says board-certified behavioral therapist Paul DePompo, PsyD. "As long as nobody is getting into trouble, let them have at it."

8Embrace Each Other's Differences

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You can't change people and, even if you could, if you love someone enough to think they're "The One", you shouldn't try to change them. Or, more specifically, you shouldn't even want to change them. You should accept who they are and fully embrace them.

"Partners must be able to embrace differences in each other," says Brantley. "They must value time and experiences with their partner over individual preferences."

9Communicate Well With Each Other

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

"Good communication is a critical foundation piece of a healthy relationship," Lesli Doares, couples coach and marriage expert, tells Bustle. "No two people are going to agree about everything so no issue can be effectively addressed without being able to talk about it. Good communication means that you can engage in a dialogue, not mutual monologues. It means that you can both state your position clearly and calmly and be able to really hear your partner’s position. Being able to communicate well means no one is walking on eggshells, agreeing to things they don’t want to agree to, or remaining silent out of fear of the other’s reaction." Communication is the foundation of relationships, so if you're having trouble communicating, it's time to work on it with your partner or rethink the relationship.

If you can do these things with your partner, relationship experts say you may have met your match. If you can't do these things, then maybe you haven't found the right person for you just yet (and that's OK!). Or, maybe it's time to focus on improving these nine things so you and your partner can reach soulmate-level status — every relationship requires work, after all.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Everything Leaving & Coming To Netflix In March, So You Can Plan Your Next Marathon Now

Even though the groundhog saw his shadow — forecasting six more weeks of winter — a nice spring thaw is already on everyone's minds. Fortunately, Netflix has things squared away for March. Whether you're ready to cozy up in front of a fire or get you…
By Sophy Ziss

11 Thoughts That Mean You’re Not As Happy With Your Partner As You Might Think

Even if your current dating situation seems to be going well — you're hanging out, having fun, having sex, etc. — it's still possible that you might not be happy with your partner, and thus not truly happy in your relationship. This can be a gut feel…
By Carolyn Steber

25 Book Recommendations From Your Favorite TV Characters

Although the two may seem like natural enemies, the truth is, television and reading are a match made in bibliophile heaven. Not only are some of the best shows based on or inspired by literature, but whenever you turn on the tube you can be sure to …
By Sadie Trombetta

It Took Heather Graham YEARS To Make A Movie About Women Ditching Toxic Men. The Reason? Men.

They say you should write what you know. But in Hollywood, that age-old advice apparently needs an addendum: Write what you know — as long as men are into it. And for actor and newly minted director/screenwriter Heather Graham — a woman who swam thro…
By Kelsea Stahler

Bustle's Editors On Rachel McAdams + Parkland Survivors

Happy Thursday, everyone! I don't know about you, but I feel like February has gone by so so fast (wasn't January, like, yesterday?). This year is hurrying along, and with so much happening every day it's hard to keep up all the time. But, I've got a…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

7 Signs Your Energy Is Closed Off To Love, According To A Psychic

Finding love requires more than just the actions of going on dates or setting up an online dating profile. It also requires opening yourself up to love and giving off the vibe that you're open. You may not even realize it if you're energetically bloc…
By Suzannah Weiss

Target Just Launched A Gorgeous New Home Brand — And Most Pieces Are Under $30

Design lovers rejoice! Everyone's favorite store for pretty much everything is about to make all your daring decorating dreams come true. Today, Target's corporate blog issued a press release that provides a peek into Target's new homeware line, Opal…
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

17 Brilliant Ways To Support Parkland Survivors Wherever You Are

Following the massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, survivors are demanding Congress take action. A large group of students who survived the shooting are opposing politicians' "thoughts and prayers," arguing that inst…
By Sarah Beauchamp

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

How This Quadriplegic Beauty Lover Beat Cancer & Became A Professional Makeup Artist

In 2010, one day before she was supposed to start cosmetology school, Steph Aiello was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the waist down with limited ability to move her hands and one of her closest friends dead. She would spend the…
By Sara Tan

7 Common Marriage Rules That Aren't Good For Relationships

When it comes to marriage, everyone loves to give their two cents, and with all the warnings and advice floating around out there, no wonder people find marriage intimidating. Luckily, you don't always have to play by the rules, and there's some bad …
By Carina Wolff

The Infuriating Way Hollywood Movie Sets Are Designed To Make Life Harder For Women

Whitney Cummings is fed up — with the way Hollywood treats women, and in particular, the way the it treats female directors who have children. While the entertainment industry may be working hard to get more women behind the camera, Cummings wants to…
By Casey Cipriani

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale