I feel like I've watched Aubrey Graham — sorry, I mean Drake — grow up over the years. From his humble Degrassi days as Jimmy Brooks to winning a Grammy for best rap album, he started from the bottom, now he's here. Yesterday he proved just how far he's come when he hosted one of the biggest nights in sports: the ESPYs. Admittedly I didn't get to catch the show live, but trust me, clips and recaps are everywhere . And although for the most part he was hilarious, there was one major problem: Chris Brown. Why is Drake friends with Chris Brown?! This is not okay. It's time for friendship intervention — a friendtervention, if you will.
I shouldn't have to remind you why Chris Brown is the worst. I'll simply say one word and you'll get my point: Rihanna. Sadly, that wasn't even the only time Brown was violent. A few months ago he was released from jail because of another assault. Plus, didn't Drake date Rihanna? Even if the pair split, he should at least respect her enough to not go be buddy-buddy with her ex — especially an abusive ex.
Everyone is busy warning Selena Gomez to get away from Justin Bieber, but someone needs to give Drake a pointer or two, too. Since, like I said, I feel like I know Drizzy pretty well (okay, in my imagination at least), I volunteer to speak up. It's time the king of "no new friends" made some new friends. To save him the trouble, I rounded up a list of much better options than Brown! Hey Drake, you can thank me later:
1. Taylor Swift
It's no secret that Tay is the queen of BFFs. It's actually almost surprising she hasn't hung out with Drake yet. Just picture these two baking cookies together!
2. Derek Jeter
Everybody knows Drake loves hanging out with athletes. Since Derek Jeter is retiring, he'll have plenty of free time to hang with Drizzy. Their friendship would be a hit!
3. Ariana Grande
With the recent cancellation of Sam & Cat , Ariana would have one less problem if she befriended Drake. She's obviously on the hunt for a new bestie. Imagine how amazing a duet would be!
4. Jay Z
If he can set aside his beef with Chris Brown, Drake can make amends with Jay Z! If they get over their alleged feud, they'd be BFFs in no time.
5. Ryan Gosling
Nothing better than two Canadians, eh? These two can eat poutine together and bond over their homeland. Plus, with a baby on the way, RyGos is probably looking for a distraction.
6. Seth Rogen & James Franco
Unpopular opinon: Jonah Hill isn't that funny. At least not compared to his pals Seth Rogen and James Franco. Drake can complete their trio, as they all discuss what it's like to get their start on teen TV shows.
7. Chris Kirkpatrick
If Drake really wants a friend named Chris, isn't this a great substitute? Kirkpatrick has stayed out of the spotlight since his 'N SYNC days, but he sure seems like a reliable guy. And hey, compared to Brown, this Chris is a saint!
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