If you suspect your partner might
be soulmate material, then you're probably well-aware of their positive qualities, as well as all the things they do and say to make you feel loved and supported. But if you're with "The One," it's also important to acknowledge all the things your partner doesn't do. Or rather, the things that are missing from your relationship — in a totally good way.
Sure, you may still have arguments. And you may go through the occasional rough patch. But if your partner is on board to create a healthy, long-term relationship, they'll always do their part to
keep toxic arguments, misunderstandings, and other unhealthy situations at bay — all in the name of maintaining a healthy connection.
"The best way to tell if you’re with 'The One' is to look at your partner’s actions towards you and the relationship," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at
Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. "If your partner loves you, makes you a priority, and always fights for the relationship, it’s a good sign you’ve found a keeper."
With a soulmate-type partner, they'll be all about keeping things as healthy as possible, which may make some of the issues listed below far less likely. Here a few
things your partner will never let happen in your relationship, if they're "The One."
"Believing that someone is 'The One' means never threatening a breakup or holding that over another person’s head," Bennett says. "Instead, it involves recognizing that you’re in it for the long haul, even when things get tough."
This means practicing
better ways of communicating with each other, including listening and looking for ways to compromise, instead of just saying things out of anger. Empty threats like this one are not only hurtful, but they don't set the stage for a healthy relationship — much less one that'll last long-term.
Put Someone Else's Needs First
"If your partner is truly 'The One' [they are] always going to put you and the relationship first," Bennett says.
This doesn't mean you can't prioritize yourselves, or have separate
lives outside the relationship. In fact, it's healthy to do so and this is something you should be supporting each other in doing.
But, Bennett says, it doesn't mean that external things will take precedence over the health of your relationship.
Give Up During Tough Times
Whether you're arguing, going through a rough patch, or experiencing outside problems that are affecting your relationship, a supportive partner will do what they can to smooth things over.
"If your partner is 'The One,' [they] will never stop fighting to make the relationship work," Bennett says. "Through the problems and challenges, that person will never give up on you or your shared bond."
They'll be willing to listen, compromise, and make small changes for the
health of the relationship. And you will be, too.
While it's fine to support each other as you go through changes, learn new things, and so on, the right partner won't
force change upon you. Or make you feel bad about being who you are.
"The right partner will love you exactly how you are, in all of your messy glory," Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background checking site
TruthFinder, tells Bustle.
It is OK however, to point out things that aren't working in the relationship, and to encourage each other to be healthier going forward. But in a soulmate relationship, there won't be any type of passive aggressiveness or negative
pressure to be someone you're not.
That said, part of growing and maturing as a couple means allowing each other space to change as individuals. And the right partner will know that.
"They will not let you be less than you are capable of being," Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist and host of
The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Bustle. "They will push you. They will demand you are living up to your potential, not for them but for you."
To do so, they might encourage you to try new things, even if it's scary. "They will set the bar high for your achievements and accomplishments," Dr. Klapow says. "This is not about them asking for you to be good for them. It’s about them caring enough to help you live to your potential."
Let Problems Go Undiscussed
For a relationship to last long-term, problems — both big and small — need to be discussed. That's why it's a great sign if, whenever you want to talk about something, your partner is down to listen. But even better if they have something on their mind and don't hesitate to
bring it up.
"The right partner will not let conflicts and relationship challenges go undiscussed, unnoticed, [or] unaddressed," Dr. Klapow says. "They care too much to avoid the bumps in the relationship. They will point things out, work to make them better, but they will never let the relationship just drift away without working at it."
If your partner is "The One," they won't make a habit of crossing your boundaries. They'll be interested in establishing healthy ones early on, and respecting them going forward.
But they'll also be
protective of their own boundaries, and willing to let you know if you're crossing them — all in the name of keeping the relationship healthy. As Dr. Klapow says, "They recognize that you, they, and the relationship itself need to be nurtured and they will not let any three of those entities slide."
You really know someone is "The One" if they do their part in creating a trusting relationship. So one thing you'll never have to worry about in a soulmate-type relationships, is a major slip-up in this area.
"They will not betray your trust and if they do they will work to build it back," Dr. Klapow says. "They will not intentionally harm you emotionally but if they do they will own it and work to make change."
Let The Relationship Move Backward
If you're into the relationship moving forward, a soulmate partner will also be on board for doing the same, including making sure they're playing their part in its progress.
"A relationship should always be moving forward, not backward," Graber says. "If you hit a wall in your relationship, and your partner suggests a relationship regression — like moving out if you're currently living together, or taking an extended break to see other people — they may not be a lifetime partner."
While it's important to do whatever feels right for you, the general feeling will be that
things are moving forward, and you're both on the same page. As Graber says, "Every relationship has periods of turmoil, but you should be working through the rough patches as a team. If someone handles conflict by checking out or taking a major step backward, they may not be in it for the long haul."
Let Things Become Toxic
If your partner is "The One," they'll certainly be playing their part in keeping things healthy, which means keeping toxicity — in the form of mean arguments, emotional cheating, etc. — far away.
definitely never let toxicity slide into emotional abuse. "Any form of abuse [...] is not behavior that someone will exhibit if they're 'The One,'" Graber says. "Likewise, they won't let others abuse you either. 'The One' will never talk about you behind your back, or let their friends insult you."
You know you've found "The One" if your partner is someone who
always has your back — even when the relationship isn't particularly fun or easy.
"A relationship is really tested when one partner goes through a difficult experience," Graber says. "In casual relationships, a partner might prefer to spend time with you when you're happy and dip out as soon as things get challenging. A true relationship is being there for each other even when the chips are down. The right partner won't let you go through the bad times alone."
If your partner doesn't let these things happen, they very well may be "The One." Keep in mind, though, that these are
healthy characteristics you can work on building together as a couple, as your relationship moves forward.
But if you're with someone who's truly a good match for you, they may be naturally inclined to do these things — simply because they want the relationship to work just as much as you do.