Sex & Relationships

Your Ultimate Guide To Virtual One-Night Stands
Originally Published: 
Top view of sensual young woman in black lingerie making selfie using a smartphone and smiling while...

Flattening the curve doesn't need to mean flattening your sex life. Although social-distancing means you won't be taking anyone back to your place any time in foreseeable future, knowing how to have a virtual one-night stand can keep you feeling frisky at a distance.

When you can't get it on with someone in the real world, having a virtual hookup can mean engaging in consensual sexual behavior over the phone or on your computer with as many partners as you prefer. Do you want to masturbate in front of someone on FaceTime? Consider now the time to try it out. Thinking about streaming a steamy movie with someone on Netflix Party? Refresh your cue and microwave some popcorn. Have a hankering to watch some ethical porn and screen-share on Zoom? Hit that request button. You can also swap nudes, engage in a little phone sex, or text your quarantine crush what you'd do to them if isolation weren't a thing.

Put plainly: What you do on your virtual one night stand is totally up to you.

But when you can't link up with a cutie at a party or catch your Tinder date at the bar by your house, how do you go about meeting and macking on someone? If you're currently quarantining, heres a how-to guide for having a one-night stand over the internet.

Choose Your Fighter

Is there someone already in your DMs who you've always been kind of into? Do you want to feel the digital sparks fly with someone you'll never meet IRL?

If you're looking to hook up with someone you know, be honest and direct. Try asking: "Please let me know if this crossing a boundary, but I've always thought you were super sexy. Any interest in sexting a little tonight — no strings attached?" Or: "This quarantine has been leaving me so sexually frustrated. Would you want to masturbate together on the phone later? I need to blow off some steam."

Of course, if you feel more comfortable hooking up with a stranger, the internet is really your sexy oyster. Perhaps you hit it off with hottie at a Zoom party and turn up the heat in a breakout room. Maybe you slide into someone's DMs on Twitter or IG and see if you pick up a connection. If there's a dating app you know you already like, try expressing what you're looking for in your profile and being as explicit as possible. For strictly hookup-oriented apps try, AdultFriendFinder, PURE, Clover, and iHookup.

Set Strict Boundaries

You may not want to talk to your hookup about your childhood heroes or your turbulent relationship with your mother, but casual, virtual sex doesn't mean forgoing all conversation.

Are you exchanging numbers or just connecting on an app? Do you want any interaction after your hookup? Do you want to unfollow or block each other, and act like you've never met?

Additionally, discuss where and how you both want this hookup to take place. Instead of sending: "So, your place or mine?" — ask your date what interface they want to use.

Do you want to send written messages? Swap pics? Create a Google Doc you both can add to? Call on the phone? Zoom screen-share? Video chat? Do you feel comfortable sending someone pictures? Would you feel better using something like Snapchat or Kaboom where your pics and videos delete?

Be clear about how you're going to get it on, and where you plan to leave things after the act.

Sext It Out

If you're not comfortable with video chatting or you don't want to talk on the phone, sexting, or sending sultry text messages, can be a great way to turn up the heat. With your phone as a little barrier, sexting can help you let go of inhibitions and gives you the space to say whatever you need to say without interruption.

Try sharing a fantasy, describing what you're currently doing to yourself, or narrating what you and your date would be doing if you were together IRL. Are you picturing your date turning you over and stimulating you from behind? Are you using your favorite toy on yourself? Do you feel like a bad babe that needs to be punished? Do you like it when you're on top? Do you want to make your date come?

Try using your favorite lines from movies or porn. Pretend you're Samantha Jones. I promise, no one is checking your texts for plagiarism.

Watch Something Steamy Together

Watching ethical porn or a sexy movie with someone can be another great way to set the mood. You can send each other links to your favorite videos or "Screen Share" on Zoom. Maybe you watch a steamy movie on Netflix Party and get frisky in the chat section. Whether you want to be on the phone, video chatting, texting, or messaging them throughout, find a way to communicate your feelings as you watch something.

Talk about what specific things in the video are turning you on. Do you like a certain position or move? Is it really hot how dominant someone is being? Are you imagining your date pinning you down and licking your whole body? Are you totally aroused by witnessing a threesome?

Take turns describing your feelings and sharing what you're into.

Try A Narrated Masturbation

Another great way to get it on with someone virtually is to engage in mutual or guided masturbation. Again, there are tons of ways to navigate getting it on. Decide whether you want to be video chatting, talking on the phone, or texting and messaging each other about your experiences. Discuss whether you prefer masturbating at the same time, or taking turns to instruct each other on what to do.

According to Dr. Carolina Pataky, sex therapist and co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute, when you're not with someone in person, it can be harder for them to pick up your moaning or body language. So, try to be as explicit and detailed as possible. Describe where you're touching yourself, for how long, and what it feels like. Are you using your hands or a toy? Are you aroused? Do you imagine what they would feel like if you were together? Give them all the dirty deets, and ask them to do the same.

If you want to experiment with some consensual power play, take turns telling each other what to touch. Tell them how long they can play with themselves and where you want them to put their hands. Decide if they can use their fingers or a toy. Set a timer and make them stop when you say so. Do you want them to beg you or ask you for permission to do something? Take turns calling the shots and setting the scene.

Role-Play With It

A virtual hookup can be a great place to get into some frisky role-playing. Think of any fantasies or sexy ideas you've wanted to explore and express them to your date.

Who is the character you're role-playing as? Are you a sexy nurse, and they're a wounded soldier? Are you both stranded on a desert island? Are you a hot workout instructor that's ready to get physical? Describe what your character is wearing, how do they like to be touched, and if they're dominant or submissive.

Set the scene — are you in a kinky dungeon with tons of toys? Are you getting it on in a field of flowers next to a waterfall? Are you a character in one of your favorite books or shows?

Then, tell your date how you're touching them (hard, soft, slow, etc.), and talk about how aroused you are, or how good you want them to feel. With the buffer of your phone or computer, you can really use your imagination and let your fantasies run wild.

Call It A Night

When you've had your fill of sexy virtual adventures, let your date know you're ready to call it a night. Unlike an IRL hookup, you don't have to worry about someone sleeping over or whether you should make them breakfast in the morning. Wish them well and log off. (Or continue to finish whatever Netflix show you've been marathoning together.)

And just like that, you've hit it and quit it — quarantine-style.


Dr. Carolina Pataky, sex therapist and co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute.

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