With a year of social isolation under your belt, it’s tough to hold a conversation with your roommate, much less remember
how to slide into someone's DMs. In theory, taking your chance from a distance should be easy. It’s just a message on social media, after all. But figuring out how, exactly, to break the ice and reach out to a crush is still enough to make your head spin.
According to relationship
Claudia Cox, it may help take some pressure off if you remind yourself a DM is simply a way to show initial interest. "Like dating apps, it's not meant to be used to find out everything about them," Cox tells Bustle. "It’s just to give them enough of you to make them want to meet up IRL."
the perfect DM, Cox suggests being casual, confident, and not commenting on someone's appearance — however tempting it may be. "Even if they are drop-dead gorgeous, go deeper and try to start a conversation based on things that you are both interested in," Cox says. "Start with a common topic and then transition into other things." Like meeting up for a socially distanced date.
Whether you're reaching out to an old crush or putting the feelers out with somebody new, here are 17 ways to casually
slide into DMs. 1 “Your hiking pictures are always amazing! Where's the best place to go around here?”
Want to connect with someone who posts scenic landscapes without saying "I, too, am a nature person”? Leave a question like: "Where's your favorite place to hike?" or "What's your favorite national park?" It’ll start a conversation about all your outdoor passions, but in a low-key way.
2 “I love all the books you've been posting in your story. What are you reading right now?”
If your crush has
started a book club, or they generally post about the books they're reading, asking about it can be a great conversation starter. Trade book recommendations, talk about your favorite local Black-owned bookstores, and — if things go well — start a book club of your own. 3 “I've been wanting to get into rollerblading! It looks so fun!”
If they've been posting a ton about a new hobby or activity, go ahead and ask about it. If it’s an interest of yours, as well, it’ll offer the perfect opportunity for them to “teach” you, borrow their blades, etc.
4 “We've been following each other for a minute, and I've been wanting to say ‘hi’ for a while. So, hi!”
If you want to break the ice you truly don’t know — especially when can’t decide on a
clever opening line — simply let them know that you've been thinking of reaching out and decided there was no time like the present. 5 “OK, you always have the best music in your stories! We should swap playlists.”
If a picture is worth a thousand words, a song is worth a million. Offering to exchange playlists is a great way to learn more about each other's tastes in music and favorite bands. It’s also something you can come back to time and time again, as you continue getting to know each other better.
6 “I'm obsessed with your puppy! How long have you had them?”
love talking about their pets, which is why commenting on a story about their fish, ferret, frog, or dog is always going to be a casual way to begin a conversation. 7 “I love how you've set up your home office. Where is that cool wall hanging from?!”
If you both have an eye for design, compliment something you like and ask them a question about where they got it. They’ll love that you noticed. And from there, you can bond while talking about your favorite thrift stores.
8 “I'm jealous of your cooking skills, I can't even make toast without burning it!”
No one wants a DM from Eeyore, but pointing out something your crush is good at that you are
not good at can be a cute/charmingly self-deprecating way to reach out. Here’s hoping they’ll take the hint and invite you over for a cooking class. 9 “Living for all your travel #TBTs. Where's the next place you want to visit, post-COVID?”
Is their entire feed TBTs and vacation photos? Then ask them about the places they've been and the places they want to go next. They might even have a trip planned for later this year that they’ll be excited to about.
10 “Hey, do you still work at Dock Street?”
If you and your crush have a history of working together, reach out and ask how they’ve been faring over the last year. Has their job changed at all? Have they been working from home? Use it as common ground for conversation, as well as a way to reintroduce yourself to their life.
11 “The story of your dad yelling at Siri cracked me up. My mom just asked me what ‘TikTak’ is.”
If family is important to you, you may be drawn to people that clearly like to spend time with theirs. Making a connection about shared interests, values, and funny stories, is a good way to break the ice.
12 “Your at-home coffee setup is luxe! Where do you get your beans?”
Whether your crush is into brewing iced coffee, or frothing lattes to perfection every single morning, reach out and express interest. Everyone who drinks coffee has a story to tell, whether it’s about their routine, their equipment, or where they get their beans.
13 “I love T-Mom's Grille! I dream about their honey-sriracha tofu wrap, like, every night. What's your favorite thing there?”
If you’re clearly both foodies who share a favorite local eatery, try asking them how often they go, what they like to order, or — if you’re feeling brazen — if they’d like to join you for a bite one Saturday afternoon. As the saying goes, the fastest way to someone’s heart is through their stomach.
14 *A topical meme or TikTok*
This one works well if you and your crush have chatted before and you have a good idea what they’re into, humor-wise. Send them something political or a clip from a show you know they watch. It could be in response to a story they shared or completely out of the blue, as a way to say “I’m thinking of you!”
15 *Send their recent post* “OMG, I was just there!”
Whether they posted about a trail that you walk your dog on or your favorite Thai restaurant, commenting on a recent post is a super low-risk way of reaching out. People comment on stories all the time, so hey! Why can’t it be you?
16 “I have to ask... how do you make that green smoothie you always post?”
Just spotted their third post of the week featuring a delicious smoothie? (Or avocado toast? Or blueberry waffle stack?) Go ahead and ask about it. Even though it’s super casual, this DM will put you on their radar and help build rapport.
17 “I thought I just saw you in line at CVS and said your name, but it wasn't you!”
Sharing a cute/embarrassing story is another sweet way connect with your crush. Maybe you saw them in CVS, maybe you didn’t. At least it’ll get a conversation going. And when it comes to casually
sliding into DMs, that’s the main goal. Source: Claudia Cox, relationship coach and founder of Text Weapon