One of the most enjoyable things about sex is the ability to experiment and try out new things with a partner. Whether you're trying a new position or bringing some toys into the bedroom, there are unlimited possibilities for you and your partner to enjoy and find new excitement in. And thanks to sexologists, porn, TV, movies, and the internet, as well as the endless books and magazine articles written on one of the world's favorite topics, infinite inspiration for your sex bucket list is always at your disposal.
For anyone who enjoys and participates in sex, they will have preferences, fantasies, and desires — and that’s where a sex bucket list can come in. “Sex bucket lists act as an aspirational and inspirational tool for some people,” sex and pleasure educator Luna Matatas tells Bustle. “They encourage us to think about, explore, and get specific about what we might like to do, add, or try in our sex lives.”
Just know that there's nothing you need to try — everyone has different kinks, fantasies, and things that turn them on, so your sex bucket list should be whatever you want it to be, whenever you want it to be. “Sex bucket lists can differ from person to person because we all don’t have the same erotic imagination,” Matatas says. “Our fantasies can vary from person to person, but also at different stages in our lives we might get curious about different sexy things. Intensity in our fantasies might also differ from person to person; what might be mild for me might be wild for you! Some people have lists that focus on erotic themes like power, while other people have lists that focus on specific sexy activities like a threesomes.”
That being said, there are some common threads for many people, and this list can serve as a point of potential inspo. Perhaps you'll never know how much you love food in the bedroom or handcuffing your partner until you try it. As with all things related to sex, make sure your partner is also fully and enthusiastically on board. If you want to try out some new things in the bedroom (or maybe not in the bedroom), here are 13 ideas.
1. Sex In Public
Some say the ultimate rush of sexy fun happens when you do something truly risky, like, say, having sex in public. “The idea of getting caught is exciting for some people — it’s both a feeling of naughtiness and a feeling of adrenaline provoked by the fear of getting caught,” Matatas says. The chance of getting caught on top of feeling so exposed helps create an erotic experience akin to having a secret liaison. Consider doing it at night or somewhere the risk of getting in trouble is minimal — no one wants to get arrested, after all. Maybe also opt for a quickie to add an even more intense sense of urgency than if you were doing it behind closed doors.
When it comes to sexual experimentation, having a threesome a common go-to for many people, particularly couples. “If you are happy and stable and have a great sex life already, and you're looking to try new experiences together, then a threesome is a great idea,” Polly Superstar, the founder of the sex-positive community Mission Control and author of the book Sex Culture Revolutionary, previously told Bustle. After all, what is more daring than having sex with not one but two different people? Alternating between different positions while catering to two other people's needs can be fun and keep things interesting. Plus, there's the added bonus of two people helping you reach your peak at the same time.
3. Add A Sex Toy
It's may seem basic and already essential to some people, but it has to be on the list. "There are, surprisingly, a good number of psychological benefits associated with incorporating sex toys into relationships and self-pleasure," Dr. Chris Donaghue, Ph.D., LCSW, CST, licensed sex and relationship expert, author, and TENGA ambassador, previously told Bustle. Thanks to the endless options of shapes, sizes, price points, materials, and vibration settings, you and your partner could have a lot of fun finding a toy that works for the two of you. Maybe it's a classic vibrator, a couples' toy, or a double-ended vibrator — whatever you like!
4. Read Or Listen To Erotica
Items on a sex bucket list don’t inherently have to include physical intimacy. Just like watching porn with a partner can be fun, sexy, and fulfilling, so too can reading erotica. There’s a ton on online and free erotica out there these days; it can be read or even listened to through an audio platform. “There’s so much focus on visual stimulation when it comes to porn and erotica, but our hearing plays an important role in desire and sexual response,” Anne Hodder-Shipp, a sex educator, previously told Bustle. “Anyone who enjoys listening to podcasts or audiobooks, or gets turned on by their partner’s voice or sounds during sex, might really connect with audio erotica, and there's no hurt in trying it out to see for yourself.” If you’re looking for something new to try, this might just be the next thing for you and your partner to spice things up in the bedroom.
5. The G-Spot Orgasm
The illustrious G-spot. Although it has been somewhat contested whether it even exists, many people with vulvas will tell you that yes, it is definitely there, and that experiencing a G-spot orgasm is mind-blowing. It may take some mastering at first, but getting in touch with your G-spot could definitely transform your sex life. The best way to practice? Try good old doggy style — it's one of the best positions to set up a G-spot orgasm.
Just know, though, that not everyone will orgasm from their G-spot being hit. If that’s the case for you or your partner, it’s no biggie at all. “Some women have G-spot orgasms and some don't, and that's OK,” Alexis Thomas, owner of sex-positive shop Taboo Tabou and educator at Northwestern University, previously told Bustle. “If we can get past this idea of chasing an orgasm or a goal and make sex and masturbation about the journey, it will be more enjoyable and less stressful."
6. Sex Marathon
Ever just devote an entire day, and maybe the night, to having sex? During a sex marathon, you do just that, taking to the bed for hours on end, trying new positions, toys, lubes, you name it. “The sex marathon fantasy appeals to people who want to get lost in their pleasure without thinking about time constraints,” Matatas explains. “Lots of us are busy and don’t have the time to be greedy with our pleasure, but fantasizing about nothing to do except have sex for 24 hours can feel freeing.”
7. Sex With Food
This one can potentially be a mess, but maybe that’s part of the allure. That being said, this doesn’t have to mean turning your bedroom into a cafeteria food fight scene from a movie. “Food uses our senses, and anything that engages our senses can bring about feelings of sensuality,” Matatas says. “Using food during sex is playful and focuses on the mouth, tastes, lips, tongues — all parts of the body we associate with sexy play. It can also feel fun to take something that isn’t sexy and bring it into sex.”
There are special food products designed for people looking to get sexy with their favorite snack, like body chocolate or edible panties. Or you can just bust out the jar of Nutella and see where it goes from there. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that some edible items can irritate the super-sensitive vulva area, as well as contribute to pH imbalances, so if you do choose to use food, be safe and healthy about it.
8. Try A New Position
If you want to be truly daring, trying out sex positions that involve a little bit of stretching beforehand might be something to add to the list. While challenging, mastering a complicated or new position with your partner can offer a new angle of stimulation, deeper penetration, or simply just new sensations overall. And when you two finally get it down, maybe you’ll even add it to your list of favorite positions. “People often get stuck in their go-to sexual menu — trying new positions is an easy way to do what you already like but in a different position,” Matatas says. “Many people get inspired for positions from their favorite porn.”
9. Try A Sexy Photoshoot
This is a growing trend that a lot of couples truly enjoy. “This fantasy can be sensual or raunchy,” Matatas says. “The idea of posing, showing off, and being watched can be really arousing for us because it feels very vulnerable.” During a sexy photoshoot, you can either have a professional photographer take pictures of the two of you in lingerie (or nude!) getting a bit intimate, or you can take pictures of each other as an intimate shared activity in itself.
10. Mastering The Vulva Orgasm
The orgasm gap is real. People with vulvas statistically climax far less than those with penises — especially in heterosexual relationships, as penetrative sex won’t always do it for them. Given that, you can make it a goal to take the time to experiment with sex positions that will get you or your partner there every time. However, trying new positions might not even be the best route for this bucket list item. “My general answer for any position is to ask your partner how they like to orgasm, and regardless of position, make that a priority,” certified sexuality educator Elle Chase previously told Bustle. “Positions don’t give pleasure, people do.”
11. Make A Sex Tape
For those true exhibitionists, making a sex tape might be on the list. Filming yourselves while you're getting down and dirty could be a lot of fun if you’re into it. “This fantasy is sometimes about playing with voyeurism (enjoyment of watching sex) and exhibitionism (enjoyment of being watched during sex) without actually having to involve other people,” Matatas says. “Making the tape adds a layer of excitement during sex, and watching it after adds a voyeuristic pleasure.”
You can try different angles for the camera, different positions, and if you're truly a budding Spielberg, different scripts. It's like your own porno, only you dictate what happens. And there is always the added bonus of watching it later.
12. Try Role Play
Ever wanted to be someone else, just for the night? Then role play is your answer. Concocting imaginative and sexy situations while channeling your inner actor definitely switches things up. If you're really creative, you can even bring costumes and props into the mix. Role playing gives you the option to enact your favorite fantasy. “Role play is a popular fantasy because there’s so much opportunity for costumes, props, and different characteristics and personalities,” Matatas says. “Shifting into a role play sometimes gives people the confidence they need to try a different sexy vibe or activity. Whether it's a sexy librarian or naughty nurse, role play can be exciting because it’s borrowing the eroticism of the characters and putting them into your bedroom.”
13. Add Some BDSM
From whipping out the handcuffs to exploring the full-on intricacies of BDSM, kink may be something you're curious about and want to try out. "To begin, you might simply try being blindfolded and let your partner tickle you with a feather, or lightly stroke your skin with a whipper,” Dana Myers, sex expert and founder of the beauty brand Booty Parlor, previously told Bustle. “If that turns you on, move towards slightly racier bondage play, like binding wrists with a silk tie or handcuffs, a massage candle being dripped on your skin, or exploring the sensation of playful spanking.”
For those who are thinking about taking sex beyond the “classics,” so to speak, it's important to talk with your partner about what the two of you want. Once you're both on the same page, go for it. You may just find something a little more tasty to add to your typical nightly routine.
Luna Matatas, sex and pleasure educator
Polly Superstar, the founder of the sex-positive community Mission Control and author of the book Sex Culture Revolutionary
Anne Hodder-Shipp, sex educator
Alexis Thomas, owner of sex-positive shop Taboo Tabou and educator at Northwestern University
Elle Chase, certified sexuality educator
Dana Myers, sex expert and Booty Parlor founder
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