Khloe And Rob Kardashian Are Secretly Incestuous and 7 Other Celebrity Conspiracy Theories
Khloe Kardashian has made an ill-advised joke about having an incestuous relationship with her brother Rob after he posted a photo to his Instagram dubbing her his "Woman Crush Wednesday." Oh, Kardashians, when will you learn? Anything you say or do in public is under constantly media scrutiny and will eventually become engorged to infinity times its original size. (Of course, I guess when your entire career is making people talk about you for absolutely no productive reason whatsoever, it stands to reason that this is just Khloe and Rob doing their actual job because here I am, talking about them.)
These aren't new rumors, weirdly, sadly, nauseatingly, which is likely what prompted the two to "joke" about it in the first place. It doesn't help that the two live together in Khloe's Calabasas home. Having Khloe and Rob even joke about having sex with each other is the tabloid media's number one wet dream, next to other high brow material like Beyoncé photoshopping or not photoshopping her thighs on Instagram (so literally just Beyoncé's thighs on Instagram), Jennifer Lawrence saying something relatably sassy, or any celebrity engaging in anything to do with feminism.
What went down was that Rob, I guess trying to be sweet and brotherly, posted a picture of Khloe's ass in some super tight yoga pants to his Twitter with the caption, "#WCW @khloekardashian shneeeeee meeeee claaaaaa". On it's own, that probably would have passed by without much incident, but Khloe, perhaps breathing in whatever air makes her sister Kim so insane, thought it best to respond with a joke about having sex with her brother. Because you know, that's HILARIOUS. So the rationally-minded, tallest Kardashian sister posted a screenshot of Rob's screenshot to her Instagram with the caption, "Totally a normal brother/sister relationship. Incest is best!!! #HeyBooHey," escalating the whole thing very quickly, into much darker territory than necessary. I actually just threw up in my mouth a little bit thinking about making jokes like that with my own brother. Oh God, with the power of 600 white girls, I so can't even right now.
Now that everyone thinks Khloe and Rob Kardashian are in an secret incestuous relationship with one another, here are some more celebrity conspiracies (that I made up) based on pretty dumb evidence:
Because Rita Ora looks strikingly like an exact combination of Beyoncé and Rihanna, and being that she's Jay-Z's latest protegee, it logically follows that he created her out of the DNA of his wife and alleged past mistress.
2. Paul Rudd is a vampire
Paul Rudd don't crack. Dude has looked the same for the past 20 years.
3. Anne Frank was a Belieber
Cos' Justin said, I guess?
4. David Walton is Reid Ewing come back from the future
Because Reid Ewing (Dylan from Modern Family) bears such a striking resemblance to David Walton ( New Girl , About a Boy), it's obvious that David is Reid in ten years time, travelled back to our present via future technology in order to double down on his earnings.
5. Morgan Freeman really likes sitting down
Seriously though, when was the last time you saw him standing up in a movie? It's like every contract he signs now stipulates "must be sitting for entire filming process." #Illuminati? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE.
6. Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel are the same person
Because they look sort of the same, kind of.
7. Allison Williams, Orlando Bloom and Gerard Butler are bad actors.
These actors (and many more) are allegedly terrible at their jobs, a conspiracy theory I came up with after watching them doing acting (unconfirmed, as they are still all employed.)