11 Signs You’re Too Nice & What To Do About It

OK, so let me start off by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. If you're sweet and caring and kind, I'm not going to suggest you stop. But there are definitely some signs you're being too nice, and it can unfortunately cause some problems.

Think of all the times you've felt like a doormat, or agreed to something you didn't have time for, or got stuck in a way-too-long conversation with someone at the grocery store. These things happen to everyone, but they especially happen to nice people. That's because nice people often don't know how to say no, and they certainly don't know how to stand up for themselves. If this sounds like you, then I bet you agree that turning down a friend's invitation, or politely excusing yourself from the too-long convo, is way easier said than done. (And may even sound downright scary.)

I'm sure you have the best of intentions when it comes to being nice, but too much kindness can end up creating some problems. The first is that you can start to feel resentment and overwhelm, as you try to be all things to all people. The second problem is that people may begin take advantage of your sweet ways, and that's when the doormat issue comes into play.

If you're worried this is you, don't fret. Below is a list of signs you're being too nice, as well as what to do about it.

1. You Say "Sorry" On Repeat

If you did something wrong, or are canceling plans, then it makes sense to say sorry. But nice people tend to get carried away with the word. Everything becomes "sorry this" and "sorry that," often to the point where it loses its meaning. And when that happens, you're not doing anyone any favors by asking for forgiveness, according to an article on EliteDaily.com. You're simply trying to appease your own (often imagined) guilt.

What To Do About It

Try to go a whole day without saying the word. This means you can't even apologize when someone else bumps into you. It'll show you how often sorries gets thrown around, and hopefully help you to scale back.

2. Your Needs Are Never Met

Nice people tend to attract users — partners who are lazy, friends who always need help moving, family members who constantly have a favor to ask. It's OK to be helpful, but it crosses over into bad territory when these people are never there for you in return. "If you bend over backwards over and over and never get anything in return, you’re acting like a doormat, not being nice," said Elizabeth Stone on ThoughtCatalog.com.

What To Do About It

Start standing up for yourself. Be honest with everyone about how you feel. Hopefully they'll see the error of their (super lazy) ways, and be willing to even the score a bit.

3. You Feel Resentful After You Say "Yes"

I'll say it again — there's nothing wrong with being nice. The only time it's bad is when you it brings on a sense of resentment, or overwhelm. "To know if you’ve crossed that fine line from kind to compulsive people-pleaser, pay attention to how you feel — in the moment and later," said Kate Lowenstein on HuffingtonPost.com, in an interview with psychologist Linda Tillman, Ph.D. If you feel a burning sense of resentment after agreeing to something, then it's a good sign you said yes out of obligation, and not because you actually wanted to.

What To Do About It

Practice saying "no." My best advice is to just say it, and move on. Avoid elaborate justifications or explanations, as that can come off as an excuse. Stick to your guns, and people will respect you for it.

4. You Never Voice Your Opinion

Think about your group of friends. Who is it that chooses the restaurant, movie, or vacation spot? Not you? Then you might have a problem. As Richelle Meiss said on Gurl.com, "It's not like you don't have an opinion, it's just that you're perfectly happy to just go along with what everyone else wants. You wouldn't want to cause a problem." This type of thinking ain't good.

What To Do About It

Try your hand at being more stubborn, Meiss suggested. If you have an opinion, say it! Your friends will probably appreciate the extra input, since choosing restaurants/movies/vacations is hard.

5. You Agree Without Thinking

Do you ever agree to something and then think, "Wait, why did I just say that?" It is possible to get in the habit of constantly nodding in agreement, and saying yes to everything. It's an admirable trait, but not something that is sustainable for very long.

What To Do About It

Take a moment to consider your options before agreeing, Lowenstein suggested. Do you have the time? What will you get out of it? If, after careful consideration, it seems like an OK thing, then go ahead and agree. If not, don't be afraid to say no.

6. You Don't Have Your Own Life

When it comes to jobs, relationships, friendships, etc., it's absolutely necessary that you have your own life outside of them. Nice people, however, tend to get 100 percent absorbed in such things, to the point they no longer have their own life. "It’s a warning sign that you need to go out, pronto, and get a hobby," said Stone.

What To Do About It

Do just that — get a hobby. Make your own life a priority, even if it means working less hours, seeing your SO fewer times a week, or occasionally canceling on friends.

7. You Avoid Confrontation At All Costs

Very few people actually enjoy fighting, so it's perfectly normal to avoid arguments and confrontation. What's not normal? Being a total doormat because you're afraid to ruffle any feathers. It may feel like the polite thing to do, but it's not a good thing. As Meiss said, "Pushovers avoid confrontation, and are therefore unable to stand up for their own needs."

What To Do About It

Practice being assertive, even though the very word may make your blood run cold. I promise, it's not as hard as it sounds. Being assertive doesn't require you to be mean, or rude. It simply requires you to stand up for yourself.

8. You're Afraid Of Being Rejected

A fear of rejection may be at the root of why you're so darn nice. If, for whatever reason, you feel like you don't deserve the people and things in your life, then you may do anything and everything to keep them — including being overly nice. Sound familiar?

What To Do About It

Work on your fear of rejection by boosting up your confidence. "As we become less afraid of what we’re experiencing inside ... we become less intimidated by rejection and more empowered to love and be loved," said John Amodeo, Ph.D., on PsychCentral.com. It may be difficult, but it's worth the work.

9. Your Calendar Is Full Of Stuff You Don't Want To Do

Take a look at that planner of yours, suggested Meiss. How much of your calendar is filled up with stuff for you, versus stuff for other people? If the ratio is skewed wildly in the favor of other people, it may be a sign you're being too nice.

What To Do About It

Start valuing your time by portioning out your calendar evenly between your personal life, social life, and work life. Going forward, keep any one area from overwhelming the rest of your calendar. And if you need more personal time to veg out and do nothing, don't be afraid to take it.

10. Your Friends Toss Around The Word "Codependence"

Remember what I said about nice people attracting users? This can often lead to a codependent relationship. That's where you find yourself wrapped up with someone who needs you, and you need them, in an entirely unearthly way. According to Feifei Sun on WebMD.com, you might find yourself giving support to your partner, at the expense of your own mental health. You may also stay with someone, even though the relationship is unhealthy. These are all signs of codependence.

What To Do About It

You can work on the relationship by setting up boundaries, according to Sun. This means you can't be there for your SO 100 percent of the time. Realize that it's totally OK, and even healthy, to have time apart. Start seeing your friends more often, and get on board with those hobbies I was talking about.

11. You're Constantly Swamped At Work

If your boss gives you extra work, it's often a sign he or she trusts you. (Yay!) But it could also be that you've become their go-to workhorse, since they know you'll never say no. This can be an excellent strategy for getting ahead in your career, but it can also mean your boss may take advance of you.

What To Do About It

Keep in mind that it's OK to say no to your boss. If you have a good reason, they will respect you for respecting your own time. "The trick is to push back more diplomatically —getting your point across without actually using the word 'no,'" said Sara McCord on TheMuse.com.

And with that, you have some strategies (and good reasons) for toning down your niceness. Don't turn it off, because sweet people are awesome. The key is to stay your sweet self, while at the same time avoiding the negatives of being too nice.

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