If you've ever found yourself dangling half off a bed, or balancing precariously on the edge of bathtub, then you already know sex can be kind of dangerous. And yet, finding yourself in such situations is almost always hot.
That's one reason why it's so so easy to get caught up in the moment and make bad decisions. It's hard to think straight when you're excitedly maneuvering into position for shower sex, for instance. Before you know it, you're covered in slippery bubbles and dealing with a vaginal tear or your partner's broken penis. (See below for the horror of it all.)
Of course, bad decisions don't just apply to tricky sex positions or slippery bathrooms. The heat of the moment might cause you to forgo condoms or forget about the existence of STDs.
One way to avoid catching something is to plan ahead. You know, before you get all fuzzy with hormones. "Keep all the necessary products and items you need at home for a fabulous time when the 'moment' arises," says Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverily Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, in an email to Bustle. "Also, talk openly with your partner about sex together. Not only can it be erotic foreplay but also we all know the best relationships are founded in healthy open communication." Read on for some topics worth talking about, as well as a few "sexy" things that may not be so sexy after all.
1. Keeping Quiet About STIs
It may feel extremely unsexy to stop your make out session in order to chat about things like herpes. And yet, it's entirely necessary to do so. As behavioral science researcher and relationship blogger Clarissa Silva, MSW, says, "... some of these infections have no cure. One night of getting caught up will create a lifetime of having to disclose your STI/D." So yea, if you're with a new partner, be sure to have yourselves a pre-sex talk — regardless of how unsexy it feels.
2. Having Sex In The Shower
If you want to have hot steamy sex in the hot steamy shower, then by all means go for it. Do, however, be aware of the risks. Apart from falling on the slippery surfaces, there's a greater chance of your partner "breaking" his penis, according to sex and relationships editor Lane Moore on Cosmopolitan. While it won't actually snap, it's possible to bend a penis while in a weird sex position, which is pretty much par for the course with shower sex. Definitely something to keep in mind.
3. Doing It Without A Condom
Lots of long-term (and not so long-term) couples rely on the pull out method as a form of birth control. It may not be 100 percnet foolproof, but it is 73 to 96 percent effective at preventing babies — depending on how well your partner knows his body. What it never does, however, is prevent the transfer of STIs. While it's so tempting to get caught up in the heat of the moment, keep this in mind the next time you want to go sans condom.
4. Trying "Just The Tip"
When things are getting hot and heavy, it can also be incredibly tempting to try "just the tip." This teaser form of penetration is favored by couples who aren't so OK with the pull out method, but really really want to be. Keep in mind that any time a penis goes inside you (yes, even just "a little bit") it can lead to pregnancy. And, according to sex writer Zahra Barnes on SELF, it can make you vulnerable to STIs, too.
5. Not Protecting Yourself With Multiple Partners
While there's absolutely nothing wrong with having multiple partners, doing the deed with more than one person, and without a condom, can increase your risk of infection. As Silva says, "risk gets compounded with each encounter and with different partners." So do yourselves a favor and wrap it up.
6. Forgetting To Put On A New The Condom
While it might be fun to go from anal sex to vaginal sex with reckless abandon, switching orifices without changing the condom is not a good idea. This maneuver introduces all kinds of bacteria to the vagina, which can make you sick. Same goes for oral sex, with the added bonus of a possibly punctured condom. As Barnes said, "It's ... smart to change one after oral sex, just in case your teeth grazed the condom without either of you noticing." Got it?
7. Trying Out Positions That Feel Uncomfortable
Part of a sexy sex life is trying out new positions, and/or contorting yourself into odd positions for the sake of an orgasm. But some positions are known to cause injury, like reverse cowgirl, and may not be worth it. As relationships writer Annie Daly said on Women's Health, reverse cowgirl "can wreak havoc on your back." Others, like aggressive doggy style, can cause vaginal tears. And there's nothing hot about that.
8. Biting In The Heat Of The Moment
There's nothing hotter than a parter who's so caught up in the moment that they can't keep themselves from scratching or biting. And yet, this move doesn't always go off without a hitch. As Seth Meyers, Ph.D., said on Psychology Today, "Many men and women find light biting during sex to be both stimulating and pleasurable, but that doesn’t mean that biting is for everyone." Some people don't like the pain, others bite too hard, and some might find it a bit too "aggressive." So always ask first.
9. Sticking Foreign Objects Inside You
While it's not exactly common, it is possible to get things stuck up inside your vagina — especially whilst experimenting with your partner. "The two most common 'foreign objects' gynos encounter are forgotten tampons ... and lost condoms," Daly said. But it's also possible to lose a vibrator or get something not vagina-friendly (hair brush? certain foods?) stuck up there. If you want to try it, just be careful.
10. Using Flavored Condoms For Anything Other Than Oral Sex
While flavored condoms are fun to play with during oral sex, they aren't the best for actual intercourse. That's because not all of them have spermacide, fertility expert and reproductive endocrinologist Brian A. Levine, M.D. told Barnes. Your best bet is to buy two kinds (some flavored, some regular) and switch it up during sex.
11. Using Saliva As Lube
If you're prone to yeast infections, then you'll want to go ahead and tell your partner to keep their spit to themselves. "Most women who get yeast infections from sex get them either from receiving oral sex, or from having sex with a guy who has some saliva on his penis (i.e. after you've gone down on him)," sex expert Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., told Daly. To avoid them, ask your partner to wash off their bits before sex.
12. Allowing Certain... Fluids Near Your Eyes
You or your partner may be into it, or maybe you just got semen in your eye by accident. Either way, it's possible to get all sorts of fluids in and around your peepers. If this happens, it can hurt like hell. But it can also lead to infections. According to Dr. Burt Ginsburg, an ophthalmologist who spoke with Moore, semen can carry STDs, including HIV, syphilis, and Hepatitis B and C. Yikes.
13. Forgetting To Pee After The Deed
There's nothing hotter than lying sweatily next to your partner in that relaxed post-sex glow. And yet, if you're prone to UTIs, this is the last thing you want to do. With all those juices floating around (sweat, semen, saliva, etc.) it can up your chances of infection. So do yourself a favor and get up to pee. "Urinating after sex flushes out any bacteria that could have migrated to the bladder during intercourse," said health writer Kasandra Brabaw on Prevention. Don't let it wait.
And while you're at it, don't get too worried about hurting yourself during sex. If you are open with your partner, use a condom, and avoid crashing to the ground during shower sex, everything should be a-OK.
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