Sometimes you want to have slow, gentle sex, where you take your time completely savoring your partner’s body. But other times, you want a quickie, like a Little Caesars pizza, but the sex version. It can be done, my friend, and this is how.
First things first, let’s get into some specifics. Not all guys have penises, and not all people with penises are men. For the purposes of this article we are talking about those that do, so if that’s you, or you’re sleeping with someone who fits the bill and you want to speed sex up, here are a few tips and tricks to help you get across the finish line in record time.
“If you're uncomfortable with how long it's taking someone with a penis to have an orgasm or they'd like to have an orgasm faster, it can help to add in some additional stimulation to what you usually do during sex,” Gigi Engle, expert at Zumio and certified sexologist tells Bustle. “New sensations can really change what we're experiencing and help the body de-acclimate to stimulation it's grown used to.”
So, here’s the breakdown on how you can make a guy come faster. Enjoy.
1. Skip The Drinks Beforehand
Alcohol may lower inhibitions and make you feel pretty frisky, but it also prolongs someone’s ability to climax. Healthline have also reported that it can mess with your ability to get wet or have an erection. If you know you’re in the mood for a quickie, try to limit your alcohol intake before getting it on, as increase in duration and reduction in lubrication is a combination that few will enjoy.
2. Talk The Talk
According to a 2011 study from the University of Leeds, hearing someone getting off can make you finish faster. If you know your partner is more vocal or if they enjoy hearing you enjoy yourself, stepping up your dirty talk and/or moaning game could send them over the edge. If you’re not into dirty talk, try watching video porn or listening to audio porn together; the extra stimulation can make it a totally immersive experience.
3. Incorporate The Whole Penis
If you know your partner likes to be touched on certain parts of their penis, you may be privy to their sweet spots. Yet, to really get them feeling good, Lola Jean, sex educator suggests stimulating all parts of their penis. “Try stroking the balls or getting the testicles taut from within the scrotum while you apply gentle stimulation,” Jean says. “You can also orally stimulate the balls to take pressure off of the penis — which is sometimes all you’ll need to find your release.”
In addition to oral and hand stuff, trying a toy like a vibrating cock ring during penetrative sex. These tools work by restricting blood flow to the penis, which means they may also be useful if your partner struggles to stay erect during intercourse.
4. Role Play
Sometimes the idea of being with someone new can be a total turn on. Additionally, role playing, or taking on a different persona for the night can make it easier to try a new position or different kind of dirty talk.
As psychotherapist, relationships expert and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel has written on her own site, “the definition of fantasy is simply anything that intensifies the sexual experience.” As such, one should “let go of any expectations about elaborate role-play that may intimidate you or stymie you from the beginning.”
5. Prioritize The Anus & The Prostate
According to sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, the quickest way to make a guy orgasm is to touch his anus. While not all people will enjoy this, and securing consent is therefore vital, Marin says, “Pressing a finger against a man’s anus can help him ejaculate much quicker.”
Then there’s the prostate, a walnut size gland between the penis and the bladder. Its primary functions is to produce seminal fluid, and as Lola Jean shares, stimulating the prostate during sex may help your partner climax quicker.
“Prostate stimulation hands down is a game changer for people with penises,” Jean says. “Add vibration to this for relaxation and stimulation and you may have a one-two punch to O-town.” While you may be able to stimulate your partners prostate with a finger, you can also look at prostate massagers to get the job done. They come with what GQ calls a “curved, bulbous head” designed to hit the spot.
“The key to unlocking new orgasmic potential is in your butthole,” Jean adds. “Getting the prostate engorged may result in longer or more intense orgasms—potentially multiple orgasms! This can be stimulated with a toy, finger, or by activating your pelvic floor muscles!” If you’re not quite ready to go all in on the prostate, try incorporating your partners behind. Grabbing, spanking, or orally stimulating their bum — with their consent — may be just what they’re looking for.
6. Massage The Perineum
Another way to speed things up in bed is to incorporate other parts of the body. Per Engle, playing with your crush’s nipples, pressing on their perineum — the space between the balls and the penis — or introducing new types of touch, like a sensual massage or hot body oil may send them into a world of pleasure.
As Steve McGough, a graduate of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology, previously told Bustle, "Massage is one great thing couples can do each day to enhance intimacy.” He added: “It not only helps reduce stress and anxiety, when done in a supportive way, it provides a powerful new way to communicate affection and share intimacy."
7. Switch Things Up
As Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a psychotherapist and author of Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love, previously told Bustle, “doing the same of anything can put a damper on pleasure." Her suggestions for taking things to the next level including “[acting] out scenes from movies!” She adds: “Go ahead, get into it. It will make you laugh — which helps increase closeness."
Then there’s mixing it up when it comes to sexual contact itself. “Another way to make orgasm more explosive is to entirely change up your routine,” Engle says. “Do you usually have penetrative sex? Try switching over to oral sex or hand sex mid-way through.”
While it’s imperative to get clear on consent before trying anything, experimenting with new positions or sensations can help someone get more in the moment. Engle suggests using a wand massager on the tip of their penis or trying a prostate massager as you go down on them. Adding new toys, getting it on in a different room, or just changing your sex routine can help your partner really feel themselves.
8. Create A Safe Space
Sex is just as mental as it is physical. Perhaps your partner is slow to finish because they’re too in their head as they’re getting it on. "We often develop sexual hang-ups, insecurities, and shame as a result of internalized myths and expectations about what our bodies should look like, how we should behave, and what we learned as children and young adults," Candice Smith, a sex educator former CEO of Two to Tango, previously told Bustle, adding that they might also emerge “as a result of rejection or past embarrassments."
Engle suggests talking to your partner about how to set a sexual mood and space that feels good for both of you. From finding lighting you like to picking out scented candles or essential oils, work together to make a sexy space you both feel good in.
“Be sure the setting is place where both of you feel safe and secure,” Engle says. “Have discussion about what everyone would like to try tonight, be sure the door is securely locked to keep out any unwanted eyes, and engage in aftercare (cuddling, talking, rounding out the night) once your sexual experience is over to make sure everyone is feeling safe, happy, and fully satisfied.”
9. Play Around
In addition to creating an stress-free environment, Jean suggests cranking up the fun and making sex a space where you and your partner can laugh, play, and not be too serious. “Engage in activities that are playful or not focused on climax like a sensual massage or even play fighting,” Jeans says. “Building up the sexual tension is a great way to increase arousal and anticipation—both of which can lead to an experience worth recalling.”
That said, be sensitive to someone’s current state of mind. "Respect [your partner’s] limits as they are at present," Dr. Carol Queen, PhD, a staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, previously told Bustle. "Pushing them or giving them a hard time about what they will and won't do, or what they feel nervous or uncomfortable about, is not only inappropriate and won't change them, it's almost cruel."
10. Forget About The Time
If you and your boo are stressed out about timing, you’re never going to finish. While it may seem impossible in the moment, Jean suggests trying to take your time and just enjoying the moment with each other. “Take the pressure off of performance in whatever way you can,” Jean says. “Take your time and enjoy the experience. This puts the focus on the experience as a whole instead of putting the spotlight on genital contact only.”
Though it may be hard to forget the clock, getting in tune with each other and having fun can make your sex speedy and sexy.
Lola Jean, sex educator
Steve McGough, Associate Professor of Clinical Sexology
Candice Smith, sex educator
Dr. Carol Queen, PhD, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations
Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, psychotherapist and author
Brewer, Gayle & Hendrie, Colin. (2011). Evidence to Suggest that Copulatory Vocalizations in Women Are Not a Reflexive Consequence of Orgasm. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 40. 559-64. 10.1007/s10508-010-9632-1.
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