13 Early Relationship Mistakes That Can Cause Problems Later On, According To Reddit
If you've just started dating someone new, but hope to be with them for years to come, it's worthwhile to debrief yourself on the relationship mistakes you should avoid making early on. There are some things — like telling a small white lie or sweeping a seemingly minor issue under the rug — that may seem like NBD in the moment, but can have a serious impact on your relationship long-term. Still, no one is perfect, and it's totally OK (and even healthy) to make mistakes in a relationship, so you shouldn't feel too down on yourself when you inevitably screw something up.
"It is actually important for couples to make mistakes," relationship coach Carla Romo tells Bustle. "This is essential for learning one another's boundaries for building mutual respect. It also creates an opportunity to communicate with one another effectively." Simply put, it's OK to mess up from time to time in a new relationship, because making mistakes is how couples learn and grow.
That being said, it's still beneficial to be aware of the early relationship mistakes that can cause trouble for your relationship in the future — because not every mistake is free of consequences. In a recent AskReddit thread, one user asked people to share the common relationship mistakes people make early on which wind up having serious consequences down the line.
Here are 13 examples of things Redditors say to avoid doing in a new relationship if you want it to blossom into something healthy, happy, and long-lasting.
1. Not Communicating Any Issues You Have
To make a relationship last, there's almost no skill more important than being able to communicate with your partner — particularly when it comes to any issues or disagreements in the relationship. In the early stages, it might be difficult and uncomfortable to voice any complaints you have about the relationship, but it's crucial that you do so: any unresolved negative feelings are just going to fester and turn into resentment, which will be much harder to deal with later.
2. Threatening To Break Up To Get Your Way
Unless you actually plan to leave your partner over something, it's unhealthy (not to mention immature) to use breaking up as a threat — especially if it's just as a tool to get your way or win an argument.
3. Not Setting Healthy Boundaries
Everyone has different boundaries when it comes to what they find acceptable behavior in a relationship, which is why figuring out how to set healthy boundaries in a new relationship is so important. If you don't, you're opening the door for conflict to creep in when your partner inevitably, unwittingly does something you're uncomfortable with, but haven't communicated.
4. Not Being Your Genuine Self
When you first start dating someone new, it's typical to want to impress them and show them only your good qualities. But in order to have an authentic long-term relationship, both partners need to feel comfortable being their authentic selves — after all, someone can't fully accept you if they don't fully know you.
5. Being Dishonest About Your Dealbreakers
Everyone has their own set of relationship dealbreakers — maybe you can't stand smokers, or cheaters, or people who breathe through their mouths — and it's crucial to be upfront about those at the beginning of a new relationship instead of letting someone's irksome behaviors and habits slide just because you're attracted to them.
6. Talking About Your Problems To Everyone *But* Your Partner
While it's healthy and beneficial to vent about your relationship stress to your close friends and family, they shouldn't be the only people who are privy to your problems: you should feel equally comfortable talking to your partner about your relationship issues.
7. Putting Your Partner On A Pedestal
8. Not Putting Effort Into Your Friendships Anymore
When you're still in the honeymoon phase, it's understandable to want to spend tons of time with your new partner. However, don't make the mistake of pushing all your other friendships to the side — because it's unhealthy and unrealistic to expect your partner to fulfill all your emotional and social needs.
9. Ignoring Early Red Flags
When you really, really like someone, it can be tempting to put relationship blinders on and ignore any red flags you notice in the beginning. But if you're looking for a partner with serious long-term potential, you're better off being on the lookout for red flags, as well as willing to call things off if you see something you know you're not OK with.
10. Faking Orgasms
If you want to have a healthy, active sex life, it's important to be able to communicate with your partner about sex, even if that means telling them how to better pleasure you. One serious no-no? Faking orgasms in a relationship — because it's only going to make sex worse in the future if you teach your partner early on that what they're doing is working when it's not.
11. Lying About Money
Because it's such a personal topic, talking about money in a relationship isn't easy. In the beginning of a relationship, you might not need to talk about your finances too much, but if you outright lie about something money-related, that might come back to haunt you down the line when things get more serious.
12. Not Making Time For Your Hobbies
It's cool to have hobbies you share with your partner, but it's healthy to have hobbies that are just for you, too. Even if it means you might spend a little less time with your new partner, don't let your hobbies fall by the wayside — because even if you love your partner, it's good to have a little "me time" once in a while.
13. Holding Back Emotionally
In any new relationship, it takes time to open up emotionally and be truly vulnerable with your partner. But even though it will take time and effort, it's important to learn how to open up in your relationship: it's virtually impossible for a relationship to thrive if one or both partners are emotionally closed off.
Ultimately, it's inevitable that you're going to make mistakes in a new relationship — and some of those mistakes might have real consequences down the road. What matters most, however, is how you handle those mistakes, and whether you and your partner are able to learn and grow from them. If you are, you'll be well on your way to making your relationship a healthy, long-lasting one.