6 Relationship Red Flags To Look Out For During Sex, Because If Something Doesn't Feel Right Then It Probably Isn't

Being intimate with your partner is crucial in a relationship. It can bring you two closer than ever. It makes you feel connected. You’re both being extremely vulnerable and loving with one another — there’s nothing like it. Oh — and it’s a lot of fun and an easy way to burn calories. What's not to love, am I right? With that being said, in some relationships, there are moments that after you and your partner get down and dirty, you ask yourself, “WTF just happened?” You know something isn't right, but you can't figure out quite what the problem is. 

Sex is wonderful, but it can also show some not so wonderful sides of a person. It’s the most intimate you can be with another person. So, if that person has got some major issues, it’s sure to show up under the covers. It’s critical that you understand that if certain issues arise, it has nothing to do with you. It’s hard to not take it personally. Just know that these are red flags to be aware of, and if you spot a red flag, it's up to you what to do after that. Some of you may want to work with your partner on understanding where he or she is coming from, while others may run in the opposite direction. It’s up to you to decide — I’m just here to tell you the some of the red flags to watch out for during sex. Because everyone deserves to have consensual, amazing, mind-blowing sex. 

1. Selfishness 

If a person is selfish in general, it will most definitely show up in the bedroom as well. A person who only thinks about himself/herself will be entirely focused on you pleasing him or her — not the other way around. So if your partner is only concerned about me, myself and I, then I would say “bye, bye, bye.” 

2. Inability To Make Eye Contact 

Having sex is an extremely vulnerable act. One way to not be as vulnerable is to never look at the person you are being intimate with. If your significant other can’t open his or her eyes while you two are making love, something emotional might be going on. On the other hand, it could be that your partner is an eye-closed kind of lover, but it might be important to discuss this. Not making eye-contact could be a sign of not being able to be vulnerable. 

3. No Kissing 

One of the best parts about getting down and dirty is the kissing part. If the person you are sleeping with is gipping you of the kisses then you might want to think things through. It may be that your partner is only looking for one thing and one thing only — sex. It could be a sign that the relationship is purely physical in your significant other’s mind. However, some people aren’t big kissers and there you have it. But it’s worth mentioning and figuring out if this is occurring in your relationship. 

4. No Cuddling 

Having sex isn’t just about the deed itself. Cuddling is an important part where you and your partner are holding on to one another, feeling ever so close. Some people aren’t big on cuddling after sex, and even don’t like to be touched. That’s completely fine. But sometimes it’s a sign that something else is at play. Maybe your partner wants to put up a wall after sex, where you start to feel him or her being a little closed off. Maybe the person you are sleeping with isn’t looking for a deeper connection. It’s up to you to figure out what is going on and decide if you’re willing to accept a life of no cuddles. 

5. Not Finishing 

Not being able to orgasm is actually quite common amongst men and women. However, it may be a red flag if it is becoming a consistent problem and is affecting your sex life together. Furthermore, it’s a red flag if it keeps happening and your partner is unwilling to talk about it. There could be many different things at hand with this situation. The crucial part is being able to be open and honest, and wanting to work together on finding a solution. 

6. Pressure To Do Things You Aren't Comfortable With

It’s a huge red flag if you feel uncomfortable during sex with your partner. If your partner wants you to do certain acts that you don’t feel at ease with, and he or she isn’t respecting your wishes, you’ve got a serious problem. Your significant other should listen to your concerns when it comes to sex. There should be no ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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