We've all been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded "compliments" from your friends are some of the most hurtful — it's important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go... unless you're auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on. In fact, may I suggest throwing in a few party-crashing incidents to up the ante?
On the other hand, if you're not living your life like a reality star, backhanded compliments aren't fun for anyone. The most well-disguised insults out there, these kinds of remarks may not register as negative until hours later, when their double meaning suddenly hits. Sometimes, the giver of the so-called "compliment" might not realize they're being hurtful, but unfortunately, others know exactly what they're saying, and how quickly it can rain on your parade. Ultimately, your friendships are your own business — but if your friend makes a habit of giving you compliments that are designed to , chances are they're not the kind of person you want to stick around. Check out some examples of backhanded compliments to look out for below:
1. "Well, Half Your Outfit Looks Fabulous."
If you're getting ready together, chances this comment is constructive; your friend is probably just trying to prevent you from a fashion disaster — or, well, half of one. Once you walk out the door, however, there's nothing you can do to change the non-fabulous part of your outfit, and you're left feeling self-conscious about your clothes.
2. "Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun."
On the one hand, it's good to know all your careful filtering and captioning hasn't been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they're implying that the real you is much less glamorous than the image you're trying to project. Talk about rude.
3. "I Didn't Expect You To Get The Job — Congratulations!"
When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations. Thanks, I guess?
4. "You're So Independent — It's No Wonder You Haven't Found Anyone Yet."
Among all the things ambitious women are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you'll have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
5. "I Love How You Don't Care How You Come Across."
Your friend may profess to love your supposed devil-may-care attitude, but they're really saying that you're acting like a total weirdo. If you thought you were being smooth, this kind of comment can seriously burst your bubble.
6. "I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All The Clutter."
Translation: This place isn't cleaned to my exact standards, and I don't know how you stand it.
7. "You're So Charming When You Make An Effort."
On one hand, your friend is complimenting your Robert Downey, Jr.-like charm, and it's good to know years of marathoning Iron Man DVD extras have done their job. On the other hand, your friend is also saying that you're not usually this charismatic. Ouch.
8. "I Wish I Didn't Have Any Responsibilities Like You."
Usually, people say this to their friends who live with their parents, or to those who don't have kids. Living rent-free and child-free is certainly less stressful than the alternative, but that doesn't mean anyone's life is totally carefree or without responsibilities. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
9. "You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup."
Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this kind of comment ends up implying that you look tired whenever you aren't wearing makeup. Then again, considering that this is the oldest backhanded compliment in the book, your friend might just be judging you.