11 Signs Your Partner Might Be Losing Interest

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If your partner is beginning to show signs they're losing interest in you, or if you sense that they're pulling away, it may be time to make a few changes in your relationship — and fast. After all, it's never fun to detect a problem lurking beneath the surface. Or worse, spending time worrying about the future.

But it's always possible to get things back on track. Take, for example, the nagging feeling that you're losing touch. Planning more time together can quickly remedy the situation, and reignite your initial spark. Or maybe the problem lies in your partner acting detached and distant. If so, figuring out ways to communicate more often can bring you back together, and help you feel close. The list of potential fixes is endless.

Of course, there are situations where none of this will be worth the trouble, and the best option will be to move on. After all, you don't want to be with someone who clearly isn't interested. And the last thing you want is to clamor for affection, only to look back and realize you were totally wasting your time.

The decision is up to you. But to help you figure out what to do, here are some signs your partner is losing interest, as well as what you may want to do, and if there's a way to fix it.

1. The Romance Is Dwindling


From less frequent sex, to zero date nights, to a decided lack of cuddling, "if your partner shows little interest in romantic activities, then it could indicate a lessening of attraction, a desire to find someone new, or a lack of interest in making the relationship work," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle.

What To Do

While most relationships get comfy (and somewhat unsexy) after the initial honeymoon phase is over, it doesn't mean you have to live platonically forever. "The best thing to do is to talk to your partner about the lack of romance and try to build it back into your routine," Bennett says. "It’s possible that your partner has just gotten busy or temporarily lost focus on the relationship."

Date nights, a quick weekend away, cuddling — and even simply talking more often — can help turn it around.

2. They Don't Make Time For You

If you have a sneaking suspicion your partner is ignoring you or backing away, you may very well be right. "People pay attention to what they value," Bennett says. "While healthy couples don’t need to spend all of their time together, you should at least feel valued and appreciated as your partner’s main priority." So if the current level of interaction isn't working for you, speak up.

What To Do

Chat with your partner and see why they are backing away. Are they overwhelmed at work, feeling depressed, or simply feeling misunderstood? Once you talk about it, it won't have to take such a toll on your relationship, and you can work on finding ways to reconnect.

3. They Seem Annoyed


It's normal for couples to feel annoyed with each other every now and again. But when these moments turn mean or rude, it could be a sign your partner is thinking about leaving, and is acting out.

"This is especially true if your partner is happy most of the time, but becomes angry when you try to plan activities or take time away from [their] hobbies and friends," Bennett says.

What To Do

The next time your partner picks a silly fight over the dishes or the laundry, ask them what the real issue is. It'll open the doors for a frank conversation that'll help get to the bottom of what's bugging them, so they can hopefully improve it — and your relationship overall.

4. They Put Their Friends Before You

Couples should have lives outside of the relationship — friends, hobbies, interests, etc. — that don't involve each other. What's not fair, however, is a partner who constantly chooses their friends over you.

"If your partner eagerly and happily spends time with friends, but you have to beg or argue to spend any time together," Bennett says, "then it’s a strong sign that your partner is no longer interested." Or that they're, at the very least, dealing with something that's making the relationship seem difficult.

What To Do

Talk about the underlying issues. While they may simply be going through a phase where they're prioritizing friends, it could also be a way for them to cope with an issue they haven't admitted yet. Make it OK to talk about, and it'll become something you can work on together.

5. They Never Give You A Call


"It may be a sign that your partner is losing interest, or it may just mean that they are busy or would rather connect with you in person versus over electronics," Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. And yet you won't know until you ask.

What To Do

The best way to handle this is to be clear about your desire to have more communication. "Let them know that you like to text and call throughout the day because it helps you to feel more connected to them, but that it feels a little one-sided at the moment," McBain says. "Let them know that it would mean a lot to you if they initiated the contact as well so you don’t have to take on all the responsibility and work to staying connected throughout the day."

6. Things Have Gotten... Awkward

If your partner used to chat happily for hours and now things feel a bit forced, it might be a sign they're checking out of the relationship. But it could also mean a lot of other things, McBain says, especially if you've recently argued, or gone through tough times together.

What To Do

"Your partner may be acting awkward because they have recently shared something they feel vulnerable about with you and they aren’t sure exactly how to act around you at the moment," she says. "In this case, you may just need to have a conversation to reassure them that their self-disclosure hasn’t changed the way your feel about them, or possibly that it makes you feel even more connected to them now."

7. They Don't Talk About The Future


While it's always fine to focus on the present, especially if your relationship is newer, it may start to raise a few red flags if your partner never wants to talk about the future.

As McBain says, "This may be a sign of a bigger issues in your relationship," or that you’re wanting more from the relationship than they do at the moment.

What To Do

See if your partner is down for some serious relationship stuff, like meeting your parents or going on a long vacation. This might just show them how serious you are about the relationship. And here's hoping some of the positive energy will rub off.

8. You Don't Feel Supported

Supporting a partner is difficult and time consuming, which is why someone who is ready to check out may find it impossible to muster the strength.

"A loving partner would usually offer support," McBain says, "so if nothing bigger is going on in their life, this might be a sign that they aren’t that interested in you and your life."

What To Do

Show your partner what it looks like to offer support by being encouraging and loving towards them. Be honest about how you feel, and let them know you need more. If the relationship isn't ending, they should be more than happy to step it up.

9. They Don't Want To Label Things


While not everyone feels the need to label relationships, a lack of commitment or willingness to do so can certainly indicate that a person has lost interest, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, tells Bustle.

What To Do

"If one partner is ready to commit and the other is not, it’s important to discuss this openly and explore the reasons why," Manly says. "And, if the partner interested in having a commitment believes — after the discussion — that the partner will likely not be able to meet this need, then a decision has to be made."

You may decide to work on things, but you may also decide to accept that the relationship may never move forward, Manly says, and that it's time to move on in order to free yourself up for someone who is ready and willing to commit.

10. They Refer To You As A "Friend"

What's more painful than not being labeled as partners? Being called a friend, especially if you've been dating for a while.

It could mean any number of things — your SO isn't taking things seriously, they are taking things slow, or they're losing interest.

What To Do

Unless you guys have been perfectly clear about a friends with benefits thing, then it's time to speak up. Do you want to be considered more than a friend? Tell them so.

"If you’ve been dating for some time and you’re still referred to as a 'friend,' it’s important to have an open discussion about where the relationship is headed — and what terms might be used if the relationship is deepening and moving forward," Manly says.

11. You Don't Feel Like A Priority


The big takeaway from all of this is that you should feel like a priority in your partner's life, as that's a sign they're committed, and that you're both on the same page.

What To Do

If you don't feel like important, "have a very open and honest discussion about your needs and then stand up for yourself in having your needs met in a reasonable, genuine way," Manly says. "And, if your partner refuses to acknowledge your needs once you clearly express them, then it’s time to reassess the relationship and — perhaps — move forward."

While all relationships go through ups and downs, and you can always try to work through issues, you won't want to bend over backwards for someone who clearly isn't putting in the effort.